Six Pretty Darn Good Reasons Not to Be a Jerk
Posted on July 28th, 2008 in Happiness, Relationships
photo credit: shearforce
By the law of averages, you’re bound to insult someone on their way up.
You rarely impress people by being rude.
The people you do impress by being a jerk are excited to learn new tricks… so they can use them on you.
A good number of people will assume you have self-esteem issues. Embarrassing.
You may unknowingly ingest an unhealthy amount of spit via purchased meals and beverages.
You give people license to be a jerk back to you—along with your loved ones. Way to go, Champ!
If you’re convinced, then go out and do something nice today. Open a door, leave an encouraging comment at someone’s blog, and tell someone how much you appreciate them. It’s a simple way to feel better about, well… everything!
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Tags: Happiness, Relationships
This post has 16 comments
July 28th, 2008
Indeed, Sara.
I have a motto in life that has served me well in my dealings with people – whether they be family, friends, or work colleagues.
That is: “be nice to people on the way up, because you never know if you’ll need them on the way back down”.
Basically, it’s all about mutual respect and beneficial relationships. The best way to avoid being seen as a jerk is to behave in a way that you’d like to be treated yourself in a given situation.
I think the moment you begin to take from someone, without giving back, you will deservedly be christened a “jerk”.
Here in the UK, there are other words for “jerk”, but best not share them!
July 28th, 2008
Hi Sara – those are some good points. The saliva in the food is important – I really can’t understand people who are rude in restaurants. Don’t they even consider what may happen to their food?
July 28th, 2008
Scott,
That’s an ideal philosophy. You’re right that it’s about mutual respect and being empathetic to others.
Cath,
I have a feeling that people who are rude to servers have never had any close contact with the food service industry.
July 28th, 2008
I love the point that people are watching and learning how you do it so they can turn around and throw it back in your face. I once read that on your way to the top you should put your arms around as many people as you can so that others feel that if you go up, they go up. For example, if you get a promotion, take your secretary with you if that would mean a promotion for her as well.
July 28th, 2008
I try to minimize my reactions to a jerk as much as possible so as not to waste my time and energy on them. I think they’re being a jerk to gain attention – even if it is negative.
BTW it looks like Keith is the jerk in this photo. It makes me wonder what he did to deserve this recognition. Could it be his last name is Jerk or is now Jerk?
July 28th, 2008
Kindness.
Yes. There’s enough pain in the world without us adding to it. We should be kind to each other!
July 28th, 2008
My pet peeve is people who are rude to telemarketers. They are just doing their job, just like everyone else. Several of my children, and their friends, have done stints at telemarketing, all very nice, decent kids trying to make some money, and in some cases completely support themselves. The horror stories they have told me are unbelievable! A firm thank you, no is all that is required for the most part.
July 28th, 2008
Marelisa,
I’m 100 percent with you on embracing people as you go up. The trick is to keep embracing them on the way down…
Mark,
Being a jerk to gain attention is about the worst reason I can think of–I love that you don’t feed into it. And I don’t know about poor(?) Keith–the photo just appealed to my quirky side.
Vered,
Thank you for mentioning the opposite of being a jerk–being kind. I’ve got a post on kindness planned to balance things out, but I want to polish it up a bit before publishing.
Urban Panther,
Yep, most telemarketers are easy targets for our frustration and anger. Character is reflected most clearly in whether we choose to attack those who are vulnerable or treat them common courtesy. Give the college kids a break!
July 28th, 2008
The self esteem issues is a very good observation. People who act like jerks are trying to fill their esteem by attempting to knock others down. The ironic part is, they are just expressing their insecurity in the process.
July 28th, 2008
I’ve always been a fan of mutual respect, and I try to live that out every day. It’s hard, though, to not act on that implicit license given to me by the jerks in the world and be a jerk back.
Being a jerk just takes too much energy. It’s so much easier to be nice to other people, and you end your day feeling better about yourself … whether or not you came across a jerk or two during the day.
July 29th, 2008
Hi Sara,
I’m definitely not impressed by rude people. You’re right, others quickly assume you have a self esteem issue.
July 29th, 2008
I would think it really depends on how the telemarketers are making the calls to you. I’ve encountered far too many instances of them calling and launching rightaway into a promotional sales talk. I was seldom asked a question about what I needed. I also got very little chance to speak. In the end, I just had to interrupt with a “no thank you”. I would have preferred if I had the opportunity to say this right up at the front, so that we do not waste each other’s time.
July 29th, 2008
Bamboo Forest: I secretly love that–when someone is being rude, they’re making themselves look so much less powerful than they imagine.
Eric: I agree that being nice is generally easier, even if you get burned once in a while. Good for you for not taking the jerk bait!
Barbara: I can’t imagine why some people think that actively displaying a lack of empathy and appropriateness would make another person respect them more. Mind-boggling!
Evelyn: You’re absolutely right that those kind of calls are intrusive and rude. But I still think it’s best to end the call as nicely as possible–sometimes it’s not easy to do so without being pretty firm. I think interrupting with a “No, thank you” falls in the realm of polite. It’s the swearing and personal attacks that are just wrong.
July 31st, 2008
Your reasons aren’t good enough for me to stop being a jerk.
July 31st, 2008
Emily,
Hahaha… I really can’t imagine you being a jerk. I can, however, imagine you trying to be a jerk, and then not being able to keep a straight face for more than a minute.
August 16th, 2008
Simple yet true.
Being a jerk never pays off for the soul or for more practical endeavors.
Working in the service industry along with running a business has taught me that most people don’t get this. They want everything now and don’t care at what cost.
I can’t help but think that the reason so many people are unhappy is because they are a jerk and don’t even realize it. What goes around comes around so if you make someone else miserable, don’t be surprised when you are miserable yourself.
And what a waste that is…two people are miserable when they could just as easily be happy…
Cheers,
Brad Spencer
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