The Simple Truth? You’re Complicated
One day you’re a rock star, jamming down the road with rock radio blasting, ready to kick ass and screw The Man. The next day, you’re subtle and sophisticated, enjoying a perfectly aged glass of scotch and nodding your head to NPR. Tomorrow, who knows? After all, you are a complicated and extremely nuanced individual.
In my life, the scenario plays out something like this. I see a picture, read a poem, or conjure up an image of a specific type of woman. It clicks. In my head, I think, “Ooh. That’s who I’d like to be. Boy, am I glad I had this realization! Life is going to be so easy from now on since I know who I am!” I imagine the lifestyle that goes along with this image, and it feels unimaginably right. If life can be considered a puzzle, I’ve just solved it. Smooth sailing and effortless happiness await.
The glitch comes when I wake up the next day and feel like a completely different person.
“Ugh. I can’t believe I wanted to live on a sailboat and wear nothing but white blouses and turquoise jewelry. Geez. I wouldn’t be able to drink red wine and make giant clay sculptures. What was I thinking?”
The Truth Behind Embracing Simplicity
Okay, so the delusional internal monologue above is a bit of an exaggeration, but not that much. Here’s the conclusion I’ve come to: Life gets simpler when we admit that we’re complicated. We’re full of contradictions, disagreements, and competing interests, and that’s okay.
Living a simple life doesn’t have to involve pigeonholing yourself into a particular lifestyle or ideology. You can geek out one day and scream your head off for your favorite NFL team the next. You can revel in getting your hands dirty and then enjoy a foo-foo spa day (a borrowed term, I assure you). Yes, you can even be a Republican on one issue and a Democrat on another.
Realizing that you’re contradictory can be a bit difficult. After all, if you don’t know who you are or what you believe, how can you have any impact on the world? It’s a valid concern. But in reality, there’s nothing wrong with fluidity, gray areas, and flexibility. They add nuance to life, and bring humanity into each and every thought you have.
Handling the Gray Areas of Life
Whatever mood you’re in, enjoy it to the fullest. Don’t worry about whether you’re acting out of character. There’s no script you have to follow. And if your tastes change, roll with it. You’re still you, and your core values are still the same, regardless of the packaging or policy that’s currently in debate.
This is equally true of taking positions on issues. Important issues are usually complex. Despite what you hear on MSNBC, changing your mind or being flexible is not flip-flopping. You’re allowed to see both sides of the coin without always having to reconcile your choices into black and white policy. Sometimes it’s not so much an issue of being a monolith for an ideology as it is being a master chef mixing unusual ingredients in surprising amounts.
After all, you’re made of a million different experiences, interactions, and relationships, each of which affects you in a different way. Of course you’re complicated! You don’t have to let go of your brilliantly faceted worldview to live a simple life. In fact, I can think of few things more simple than accepting your complexity.
Here are just a few tips to help you embrace your complexities while still living simply:
Do consider why you’re drawn to a certain image, style, or idea. Look beyond the basics to see the core value(s) it represents and focus on that.
Don’t retool your whole life each time you want to change things up. Keep your surroundings neutral and always keep your inner circle connected and along for the ride.
Do find inexpensive ways to indulge your different interests. Read a book, write a white paper, join a club or message board, or check out a show or local event instead of buying $10,000 in hobby equipment.
Don’t worry if your interests change. It’s just a natural evolution, or a part of an ebb-and-flow cycle. If an interest is truly important to you, you can come back to it anytime.
Do embrace nuance. Gray areas are okay to live in, regardless of what anybody tells you. Besides, there are more ideas to explore there, anyway, and more people to meet and learn from.
Don’t feel like you have to cram yourself into a “yes” or “no” answer for anything. It’s okay to see and even agree with both sides of an argument.
Let me know what you think. Is having a crystal clear knowledge of who you are and what you think more important I give credit for? Or is there value to admitting that complexity and contradiction are part of your life? Give me your brutally honest answers in the comments!
photo credit: Philipp Hilpert - Philography
This post has 35 comments
September 29th, 2008
A very interesting article, Sara- one to get the grey matter working on a Monday!
Personally, I think there is much to be gained from accepting that we are a mix of many things.
I feel that when we celebrate our own diversity, we become more in tune with who we are. In life, many other people try to put us into neat little boxes and we often play to these expectations.
When we begin to accept our complex natures, we start to free ourselves. And when we feel free, we are more able to do those things we want to acheive without being limited, either by ourselves or other people.
Life would be simple if we could define ourselves- and others- in only few ways… but it’s simply not possible.
Then again, that’s what makes us all individuals
September 29th, 2008
Great post, Sara! I saw the title in my reader and thought “she’s back!” I like this type of assertive post from you. It is all so true and it’s one of the only things I really grapple with in my simply complicated life. Mostly, I struggle with feeling like if even one little thing changes in my life that I am not living the simple life I dreamed of. But then I remind myself that simple is my mindset more than anything else and that isn’t going anywhere, even if I move and buy new jeans
Emilys last blog post..Some Things About Things
September 29th, 2008
Great points to pay attention to!
Do you think that change of interests is a natural thing, or it may be an indication for a moody personality?
Thanks for bringing those tips!
AxeCitys last blog post..How to design a book cover?
September 29th, 2008
I think that some of the most interesting people are those who have seemingly contradictory qualities and show them outwardly.
Amanda Linehans last blog post..Use Self Reflection To Get Some Direction
September 29th, 2008
i love this post. it is so affirming for me. i am embracing what you have written, and will no longer feel that i am being inauthentic for not being exactly the same every single day. thank you thank you thank you.
September 29th, 2008
I sure like the idea of embracing my complexities while still living simply. As I read your post, I am wondering if complexities come about because of the illusion presented by my ego? Any thoughts on this?
Evelyn Lims last blog post..Building The Businesses Of Our Dreams
September 29th, 2008
Interesting post Sara.
I find that my tastes and interests have changed over time. Things that I may have liked when I was young may not have much interest to me now. Even now interest may vary somewhat from day to day. May want to listen to one type of music today and something very different tomorrow. Or, if I’m reading a sci-fi book now, may want to read a whodunit next week.
Even within those variations, I prefer when people tell their story or sing their song simply and to the point. Don’t care for people who try to wow me with how much talent they have. That does not make my way better, just what is right for me.
September 29th, 2008
Excellent post. I don’t think we need to know ‘who we are’, I just think we need to make sure we know who we aren’t, because there are too many layers in that direction.
I decided to Mixx your article this time, hopefully it opens you up to a new audience:
http://www.mixx.com/stories/2277769/the_simple_truth_you_re_complicated?vote=1
Cheers,
Glen
Glen Allsopps last blog post..7 Benefits of Living Consciously
September 29th, 2008
You’ve done a great job of explaining the complexities of attaining and maintaining a simple life here Sara. I think it’s necessary for us to be complicated so that we can adapt to different and always changing environments. As you say, it’s knowing yourself and your core values that make the simple life possible. If you know yourself you’ll be able to separate the wheat from the chaff.
The gray areas of life - I wish all of us would be more willing and encouraged to explore complex issues and take a position without having to worry about being labeled a flip flopper because we changed our mind as a result of learning more facts or having new experiences. It’s no wonder a politician can easily attain a flip flop label if he/she changes their position on an issue as a result of a learning experience. It can turn out to be political suicide as Mitt Romney proved with the abortion issue. They’re definitely held to a much higher standard and yet they’re still human.
September 29th, 2008
I agree with you: trying to define who we are takes a lot of energy and if can be very limiting. I used to worry more about it. In recent years, however, I am learning to let go.
Vered - MomGrinds last blog post..10 Bizarre Ads: What Were They Thinking?
September 29th, 2008
I actually have a different take on this. I believe we are all quite simple. But the fact that we usually expect complexity, makes us disregard the simplicity and keep looking for a more complicated explanation and thus complicate stuff.
September 29th, 2008
Goodness…I’m a poster boy for contradiction and inconsistency but I’m simple because I don’t complicate things…
September 29th, 2008
I feel like I’ve lived several different lives. I think I’ve changed so much as a person that the old me wouldn’t recognize who I am today.
I think we need to celebrate our contradictions. No one should be pigeon-holed. We need to release ourselves so we can grow and develop.
Great post!
Chase Marchs last blog post..Chase March - on a podcast!
September 29th, 2008
Hi Sara. Grey is a “happy medium” of living simply. It’s a time to relax and not be anything or anyone in particular. We humans have a tendency to always believe we have the answers and then the next day we wake up and the questions have changed. And, when we think we have AN answer it can become a crutch if we give it too much attention.
Davinas last blog post..Free Spirit My Ass!
September 29th, 2008
Scott: I completely get your last statement. My life would be soooo much easier if I fit into some perfect mold or idea (and so did everyone else), but I don’t and neither does anyone else. The next easiest thing is to just accept that and move on.
Emily: Glad to be back! (I think…) It’s amazing how little things like a new pair of jeans can make us question ourselves. But they can, and it’s nice to have some kind of frame of reference to return to and then twirl out from over and over.
AxeCity: Personally, I think it’s a natural thing. The frequency of changes might indicate a behavior or pattern that’s more unusual, but in general I feel that most people have a pretty diverse set of interests that they flow between depending on their mood and creative energy for the day. Plus, we’re always learning more to add to our collection of interests.
Amanda: Agreed!
Angie: Thanks, Angie. I’m so glad this touched you. You certainly don’t have to be a carbon copy of yourself day after day. Some days you’ve gotta stretch!
Evelyn: I think complexities are natural expressions of multi-faceted personalities. Our ego might try to tie it all together, but we’re all mosaics beneath the exterior.
David: “Don’t care for people who try to wow me with how much talent they have.” That’s a really interesting thought, as so many others counsel the world to live every minute with ridiculous amounts of inspiration and passion. Sometimes just being authentic is enough to impress.
Glen: Thanks for the Mixx! And I really like the addition that we need to know who we aren’t. Trying something new that doesn’t work out is one thing, being truly inauthentic is another.
Mark: “If you know yourself you’ll be able to separate the wheat from the chaff.” I very much agree. And thanks for adding to the discussion of the middle ground. Changing your mind isn’t a crime, and is often a very good thing. Having a good reason why is what really matters to me in a political leader.
Vered: Seriously, the energy we waste trying to “define” ourselves, only to evolve anyway.
Avani: Thanks for adding a different opinion! I do agree that we often expect complexity, and look for it if we don’t find it.
Chris: I just never picture you as inconsistent. You’re simply contradictory.
Chase: The thought of feeling like I’ve lived several different lives sounds exciting. Some lucky folks know who they are and what they want from the start, and rest of us get the opportunity to, as you put it, live different lives. I bet you’re far more interesting as a result.
Davina: “…the next day we wake up and the questions have changed.” YES! I love love love the way you put this. Thanks for adding your two cents. I’ll be mulling over this all evening!
September 29th, 2008
I was driving today, and thought about that “she’s back!” that I wrote and suddenly felt bad that it probably came off like I was saying you’d been gone. And that’s not what I meant. I just really enjoy this side of you and really liked this post. Even more than I love all your other posts
I like the input here about it being easier to know what we’re not instead of what we are. That rings very true for me. You bring about really great thought-provoking comments here!
Emilys last blog post..Frugal Decorating: Use Elements From Nature
September 29th, 2008
Emily: Don’t worry, I took it as a compliment! I also love the comments here–anybody who doesn’t read them is missing out!
September 29th, 2008
Right on. I’m reminded of Emerson’s famous line: “A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.” I find when I fall too much a victim of, well, TOO MUCH, a return to nature is in order. I happen to live in the Pacific NW where such a trek is well within reach. A friend of mine sent me this link to a video that is a bit reminiscent of that Phillip Glass Kovanaskatsi (sp) video from way back. Beautiful imagery of the SW.
Nature is both complicated and simple…and it has an amazing way of getting rid of its own clutter.
Check it out. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.
http://www.totaleclips.com/player/LivingTemplesPlayer.aspx
I’m hoping the whole video comes out on iTunes so I can watch it without adding another empty box to the house.
Cheers.
September 30th, 2008
I think having a crystal clear knowledge of who you are and what you think is brutally important. I also think there’s value to admitting that complexity and contradiction are part of your life.
There’s a lot to be said for “know thyself.” There’s also a lot to be said for wearing multiple hats and flexing your capabilities.
J.D. Meiers last blog post..It’s Not Your People, It’s Their Strengths
September 30th, 2008
Thanks Sara, this post really spoke to where I’m at right now.
I think that knowing the world’s complexity, the multiple truths of who I am and who everyone else is - being aware of this and embracing this is the only way that there could ever be an end to violence.
The certainty that I am right and you are wrong - this is what leads to violence.
David | beplayfuls last blog post..The A-Z of Playfulness
September 30th, 2008
I have a wide variety of interests from high-fashion to growing organic tomatoes in my back yard. From taking a nice, calm hike to watching the Monday night football games. I listen to hip-hop and I listen to opera. Over the past few years, I have taken up painting, knitting, snowboarding, running, swimming, art modeling, sang in a classical chorus, violin lessons and so on. I confuse people with my wide variety of interests, but that’s just how I am. Some people are satisfied, with a more “simple” routine, I’m not.
September 30th, 2008
Thanks for this, Sara. It reminds me to be more accepting of myself, be free to discover, and that just because I liked certain things yesterday doesn’t oblige me to like them today. Great post!
Laurie | Express Yourself to Successs last blog post..Helpful Habits
September 30th, 2008
The truth will set you free. Free to do the most complex of things.
I once heard from a guitarist. ‘When you know the complexity of something that is simple then you will know the simplicity of what is complex’. I think it is true in everything.
We are very complex, but living is very simple.
You have to understand the complexity to see it simply. Then it is all the same.
Jarrod - Warrior Developments last blog post..Continuous Improvement: Plan and Reflect Daily
September 30th, 2008
A friend of mine once said, “You don’t have much sense of identity, do you, Jean?” The fact is I have a strong inner core and don’t worry about my image. That’s what you’re saying here, I think.
In This Mystery Called Life I say I think of life as a fascinating mystery. Part of that outlook is I don’t define myself too narrowly.
Jean Browman–Cheerful Monks last blog post..Creating a Sacred Space
September 30th, 2008
PS Emerson said, “A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.”
Jean Browman–Cheerful Monks last blog post..Creating a Sacred Space
September 30th, 2008
Louise: I just saw that quote somewhere else today, and it’s really worth a second and third thought. Nature is a wonderful example of how change is natural. I’ll check out the video when I need a reminder!
J.D.: “Flexing your capabilities” is an awesome way to put it!
David: Thanks for bringing this into a larger focus. I very much agree that there’s a need to accept complexity in others as well as ourselves.
Carla: Your list of interests reminds of one of my best friends. The best part? She’s fascinating to talk to, because she’s got something to discuss about so many different things.
Laurie: “…just because I liked certain things yesterday doesn’t oblige me to like them today.” That’s another key piece of this. There’s nothing that should keep us from letting go of yesterday’s habits or interests after we’ve outgrown them.
Jarrod: “You have to understand the complexity to see it simply.” Yes! I absolutely agree with that. It’s not about only understanding things in simple terms. It’s about understanding the complexity of everything and bringing simplicity out of that.
September 30th, 2008
Jean: That’s a perfect quote for this idea. And yeah, why should we define ourselves narrowly? Too make life easier for others? Like you, that’s just not a good enough reason for me.
October 1st, 2008
Sara, I came here through a very simple process. I was reading Jean’s response to a comment on her blog and your blog was linked in it. I came here to see that a lot of people are commenting on a very simple subject.
I believe that we human beings are being loaded with too much information. This is why we find it difficult to accept ourselves as we are. I am a senior citizen and I find it quite amusing to see this all around me. I have no problems accepting me as I am and people older than I am are even more so.
The past two/three decades has given us an information overload and we are allowing ourselves to be brain washed by a number of influences, quite a few of them subliminal. All these messages are sadly, commercially driven to benefit one or another entity and we end up paying the price.
If we can just accept ourselves as we are, life is simple.
October 1st, 2008
I really needed to read this. As I grew up, I’d “want to be” every woman that crossed my path, in person, as a book character or even in a movie. How I longed to be them. And then I’d feel really frustrated for not being them, and start feeling bad about myself and about who I am. Over the time I’ve come to see that I shouldn’t feel that bad about who I am. After all, I’ve heard a few times the words “I wish I was more like you”. That’s not a bad compliment at all, I think!
But as the years passed I thought this whishing to be someone else would pass. And I’ve been feeling very unmature for feeling this way. Every time I see a movie or read a book I know there’s a chance I’ll want to be (that I’ll feel I am!!) someone else.
And your post has helped me not feeling so bad about it. Thank you.
Gracias last blog post..Chicken creamy soup from scratch
October 1st, 2008
rummuser: Was it always easy to accept yourself? I always imagined it would get easier as the decades went by, but perhaps the opposite may be true if I don’t make a conscious effort. I do appreciate what you’re saying. If I live across the street from a bunch of cows, then why should I worried about what people in Manhattan are wearing?
Gracia: It can be fun to try on other personalities, right? Like other commentors have mentioned, it’s all about knowing what you’re not, and then letting the rest just flow. (And you should certainly take your friends’ comments as compliments!)
October 2nd, 2008
It’s so true. I find myself always trying to nail down who I am, what I want, and where I’m going, only to realize that I know nothing. The core values are there, but the daily ups and downs make me want to pull my hair out. I think you’re right about the importance of accepting the variety and embracing who you are any given time. We are ever evolving because our environment is always changing. Life= change and I think as humans we have a hard time dealing with the unknown. Thanks for a funny, but direct and thoughtful post.
Ambers last blog post..How To Work Better
October 2nd, 2008
Thank you for this post. I have always been a contradictory person, yet for some reason, being one pits you against the masses. It’s as if you are challenging the belief that everyone can think the same by not following one trend. How can you be a Republican on foreign policy but a Democrat on abortion?
I ask how can you not? How can you accept one single way of thinking as the be all and end all? Think for yourself. It’s the most powerful tool you have, whether you think so or not.
Peter Jamess last blog post..Ever Had A Yin vs Yang Moment?
October 2nd, 2008
I think you’re onto something Sara! I believe in simplicity, but we are just a little bit much, to be abstracted down. I love that once we admit we are complex beings, things get simpler.
Nathalie Lussier from Billionaire Womans last blog post..The Missing Ingredient to Success
October 2nd, 2008
When you really think about it, all of life can really be deemed a grey area! Thumbs up on recommending to do small, inexpensive things to indulge our new “incarnations” instead of spending big bucks on special equipment / supplies / gear. Frugal indulgence - I love it!
Homemaker Barbi (Danelle Ice)
Homemaker Barbi (Danelle Ice)s last blog post..We’re Back! Well, Almost…
October 2nd, 2008
Amber: I think you hit on an important part of this conversation: environment. How could our environment not affect us to a certain degree? On a personal level, I know that living in a rural area has changed me, and allowed certain aspects of personality to come out. If I was in a metropolitan area, I’m sure the same would be true.
Peter: Bingo! “How can you not?” Exactly? What are the odds that each of us would fit some cookie cutter mold? About a billion to one, I’d guess.
Nathalie: You’re a perfect example, Nathalie. You have big aspirations, but you don’t fit into a model of what others might expect. Your posts show different sides of you, and that’s what makes Billionaire Woman worth reading.
Homemaker Barbi: “Frugal indulgence”–now that’s an idea I can really get behind! Thanks for adding to the conversation (and your handle made me giggle!).
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