How To Be Married A Decade And Stay Madly In Love
Today’s post is from Greg Hayes
My wife and I have been married now for just over 10-years, which I consider an accomplishment in this day and age. There are rough patches, but that’s to be expected. But I was gratified to hear that one of her new co-workers was amazed to learn that we’d been married that long. Why? Because the first thing she sees us do after saying “Hello” is always a simple, quick kiss. Nothing fancy – just a quick peck. Yet, so many couples who have been married for an extended period of time don’t display even that much affection.
Too often, as our relationships age, we become complacent. It’s easy to start taking those we hold dear for granted. This is the first step to discontentment. Fortunately, there are a few simple things everyone can do to keep your relationship fresh.
1. Greet your spouse with a kiss and a hug.
It needn’t be something deep and passionate. A simple kiss on the cheek and a hug is enough to communicate that you missed them and were glad to be back together.
2. End every conversation with “I Love You.”
Guys, your friends will probably harass you, but the truth is that it’s easy for marriages to devolve into pseudo-business partnerships. After all, the stresses of kids, mortgages, car payments, and careers place a strain on everyone. Ridding your life of some of these distractions helps, but others are inevitable. Life WILL throw you curves. A simple reminder amid the chaos works wonders.
3. Cards and handwritten notes
My wife knows she’ll get a card on every holiday. It’s simple, inexpensive, and shows that she is in my thoughts. Whatever you do, please don’t use email for this.
4. Make time for one another.
After our first child was born, I practically had to drag my wife out on a date. She was miserable being separated from him for a mere 2 hours. I finally had to tell her that I love the mother of my child, but I needed some time with my wife. The message got through.
5. Surprise them!
When my wife and I were first married, I told her I would get her a rose for every year we were married on our anniversary. After that first year, I learned just how important that dozen roses was to her. The next year, she received her dozen.
6. Expect to argue.
How could you not argue with someone you live with every day for a decade? There are times that you will irritate one another. Voice your disagreements. Respectfully.
7. Defend them.
Remember having a sibling? When you were kids growing up, you might fight like cats and dogs, but woe be unto anyone else who laid a hand on them. That goes double for your spouse.
8. Hold hands in public.
Human touch is something we all crave. Give it freely and willingly.
9. Dance together.
Three years ago we were invited to a wedding that was going to have a live band playing 1920’s era “Big Band” music. We found an instructor and took swing dance lessons together. That night, while most of the other couples sat around and talked, we danced the night away.
10. Talk.
Your spouse should be your confidant and your friend. Talk to them. Laugh with them. Enjoy one another’s company. Your relationship will benefit.
The inside of our wedding bands have the following inscription:
TMD
It stands for “Truly, Madly Deeply.”
Relationships are what make life worth living. They put the excitement and zest into our lives. But they are also demand effort. Couples must constantly work at building, and then rebuilding their bonds. So, don’t become complacent. Grand gestures are nice, but it’s the small day-to-day choices will keep your marriages fresh.
Greg Hayes writes Live Fit Blog, a blog about living a balanced lifestyle, fitness, and what it means to be a father, friend, and husband.
Photo courtesy of CP Storm
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This post has 13 comments
September 24th, 2009
Absolutely love the photo you picked out!
Greg´s last blog ..Are Phytates In Food Dangerous?
September 24th, 2009
I’m so happy, Greg—I was a bit afraid you might think it was contrary to your message, but I just couldn’t resist!
September 24th, 2009
When my husband and I got married we both got a tattoo on our ring finger under where our wedding bands would sit with our initials and a small heart.
Some people actually said “what are you going to do if you get divorced?”
It’s exactly that ‘one foot out the door’ kind of thinking that causes relationships to fail. To me that little band of ink reminds me of the permanance and enduring relationship that we have… and how he’ll annoy me every day for the rest of our lives
September 24th, 2009
This is a great post Greg with daily actionable items. As you say – “Too often, as our relationships age, we become complacent. It’s easy to start taking those we hold dear for granted.” is very true. After complacency sets in, couples tend to grow apart. It’s nothing intentional but does happen when there is little to no maintenance which is required in a relationship.
September 24th, 2009
I can’t agree more with #6. It is important for both to understand that no matter how one love each other, arguments will still be present from time to time. To an extent, I believe arguments are necessary for a lasting relationship.
In regards to #2 however, I can’t really agree with you Greg. I think if you always say the three letter words, it would drag down the real value of the sentence.Or maybe that’s just me. Great article btw.
Karlil´s last blog ..Why I Wish I Were Dead And How To Overcome Suicidal Ideation
September 24th, 2009
@Cindy — You’re exactly right. If you plan with the possibility of divorce in mind, you’ve already accepted the possibility.
@Mark — You’re exactly right. People generally don’t grow apart quickly. It creeps up slowly unless we take steps to maintain our relationships.
@Karlil — Everyone’s needs are different. The important thing it to learn what your spouse needs to feel loved and happy. The story about the anniversary roses typifies that. That’s what I thought was right — but SHE wanted a dozen roses. The first time around I picked what I wanted. The second, I went with what she needed.
Greg´s last blog ..Are Phytates In Food Dangerous?
September 24th, 2009
I love the commitment to doing. Paying lip service to create a great life is useless. I loved how you took dance lessons to make that wedding special. That stood out for me and that is a wonderful do-ing together that is creating a loving experience to be remembered.
That is love in action and there is love to be harvest.
Wilma Ham´s last blog ..When the heart guides the mind, the dance can begin.
September 24th, 2009
I love this and I would add meditate or pray together.
And also facing each other in chairs, knees touching knees and have a heart talk when things get out of hand. No interupting allowed.
Must sit until challenge is resolved.
Married 37 + years!
Tess The Bold Life´s last blog ..Rapping Southwest Flight Attendant
September 25th, 2009
My husband and I have lived this from day one. We celebrated our ten year wedding anniversary in June, and we still get accused of being Newlyweds. We are very affectionate in public (tastefully, always), and he walks hand in hand with me, showing the world he is proud to be with me. The two things we have always stuck to is “Never let the sun go down on an argument” and “never go to bed angry”. Everything is always resolved before bedtime. It has never failed yet, and I don’t expect it to
Marriage, like love, is something you *do*. It’s actions, not words – and those actions speak far louder than a million words ever could.
September 25th, 2009
I love this post! I am proud to say that after 8 1/2 years of marriage, my wife and I do most of the things you have noted. But there is certainly more that can be done to reinforce how much she means to me each day.
By the way, I also love the fortune cookie picture; in fact, it’s the same pic I have on the welcome page to my own marriage website!
You can expect to see this one in my Weekly Round-up of Interesting Reads!
Dustin | Engaged Marriage´s last blog ..Go Sit in a Tree! (and Improve Your Marriage)
September 25th, 2009
Great post, but I disagree with idea of not acknowledging the possibility of a break up. Knowing that we are together because we WANT to be together, knowing that there are other options out there and this is one the one we choose, and continue to choose everyday makes the nuts and bolts of creating a good relationship very easy. We avoid the pitfalls of believing we are ’stuck’ in the relationship or the ‘Must.Make.This.Work.Ugh’.
I got my husbands name tattooed on my arm last year (at the random 15 1/2 year mark) and people thought I was mad. What if you break up? The point is, I got it for if we do break up. If something terrible happens tomorrow, I will have the reminder that the relationship wasn’t all about how it ended, there was 15 years (well, 16 now!) of awesome happiness as well. Every day when I see his name on my arm, I think about those fab years and the reason I got the tattoo, and I smile. I’m happier and put more into my already fab relationship because I know that for whatever reason, it may not always be there.
Caroline´s last blog ..The unlife style job week 1
October 1st, 2009
We’ve been married 19 years (and dated for 5) and I still feel like I did when we were newly married.
The best advice I got: “BE the partner you’d like to have.”
The advice my husband got: Say “yes” dear. From his grandfather
October 2nd, 2009
@valletta — Probably sound advice on both counts, though I’ve always struggled with the second…
Greg´s last blog ..Is Running On The Treadmill A Recipe For Injury?
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