Feeling Good About Feeling Old
I’m not one to worry about getting older or avoid birthdays. (Give me another decade and I might get a bit more concerned, but I hope not.) In fact, as another birthday approaches, the overwhelming feeling I have is, “Thank goodness I’m older!” Think I’m kidding? Try these reasons on for size:
You can live the way you only dreamed about as a kid.
I had big dreams for myself when I was younger. I’d wear high heels and spunky outfits, I’d get to do whatever I wanted, eat whatever I choose, and generally have fun every hour of every day. Adulthood hasn’t panned out quite like that (some hours downright suck and I’ve grown very fond of flats), but the fantasy is still there, always within reach. Even with a job to hold down and a family to consider, we all have a great deal of freedom—the kind of freedom that would’ve made our childhood selves drool. Anytime you feel old, just remember that you can eat ice cream for lunch and wear clothes your mom would never allow. Your life clearly rocks.
Mellowing out is not quite the slow death you might once have imagined.
Mellowing out doesn’t necessarily mean turning in at 7 p.m. and turning up the Kenny G. It’s more like not having to worry so much about what the rest of the world thinks. It also means not panicking at the thought of going to dinner alone or flying solo. Enjoying a night on the couch as much as a night on the town doesn’t actually equate to death anymore which, to be honest, frees up a lot of mental energy for better things. When “OMG!” is replaced by, “Huh. Interesting,” as your first reaction, you’re in the driver’s seat of life.
You’re both less patient and more patient.
If patience is a virtue, it’s a questionable one. As an adult, you’ve likely developed great reservoirs of patience by dealing with crazy girlfriends, kids, and spouses for years. Lots of things roll off your back because you’ve learned that there are better things to worry about. On the other hand, you’ve probably been burned (or simply annoyed) enough to have lost patience for family drama, workplace drama, and overly needy pals. Experience makes it easier to detect b.s. and the energy-suckers who serve it up. Losing patience with those parts of your life is a great thing.
You have so many more memories that you wouldn’t trade for anything.
Sure, it may sound fun to be 17 again, to do all the rights and live life with the confidence you have now. But would you ever want to go back to a younger age if it meant you lost all the memories you’ve built up? Think of all the friends in your life, all the books you’ve read, the laughs you’ve shared, and the places you’ve traveled. Would you trade those for naivete? Probably not. Each year isn’t time lost, it’s memories and experience gained.
What makes you feel good about feeling old? And does life really get better with age? Weigh in on the comments and let me know where you stand.
Photo courtesy of D Sharon Pruitt.
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This post has 22 comments
August 19th, 2009
You’ve captured a lot of the things that I like about getting older. I would add learning to enjoy the journey. When I was younger I always wanted to get on to the next exciting thing that was going to happen, after that it was a need to do certain things “before it was too late” (like having children). Now, I try to simply enjoy what I have, the experiences, the people and the moment. I think I’ve really learned to savor the present. The future will always be there!
August 19th, 2009
Thanks. That was nice. I feel more energized, but in a relaxed way.
August 19th, 2009
Paula, I know *exactly* the feeling you’re talking about. I very much used to live for the future, some imaginary time when I’d have accomplished everything on my made-up to-do list. Then I’d relax and enjoy life. That’s no way to live. There was too much looking back and thinking, “Man! I should’ve enjoyed every minute of that instead of waiting for something better to come along…” My husband was a big help in getting me to see this. I like your idea: the future will always be there!
August 19th, 2009
The hubs are five years away from having the youngest kid graduate and we will only be 42. We have five years to plan our year long sabattical from the working world.
August 19th, 2009
Others may have mastered this without being older, but finally, I do not care so much about what other people think of my clothes, my interests, my house, anything!
August 19th, 2009
My 26th birthday is coming up very soon and I have to admit, I was not looking forward to it at all. This post totally just made my day though – thanks so much!
August 19th, 2009
Great post and especially useful for me who has a birthday coming up later this week. I tend to avoid thinking about getting older and I dread it, but, really, when I think about it, I am SO much better off than I was a year ago, five years ago, even ten years ago. I’ve learned so much about myself and become a better, happier person and I can thank age and experience for that!
August 19th, 2009
The things I like about getting older are what you mentioned, not caring about what others think, being able to do what I want when I want, etc. As far as life getting better with age, I think yes it should and yes it does, except that for this to be true, you have to be in control of the direction of your life and know what you want. I think that a lot of us, myself included, start going with the flow of what everyone else is doing as we “grow up”, and this is a trap! I’m in a period of my life where I am trying to break myself of this habit, and I have to remind myself daily that it’s not about what everyone else is doing or expects, but what I want. As most people age they just assume life is whatever comes their way, and they forget that they can shape it however they want like they did when they were young and carefree. So as long as you stay conscious of the fact that you actually CAN control your life, then yes, it gets better with age. If not, you end up in a holding pattern, looking back longing for your youth.
August 19th, 2009
“What makes you feel good about feeling old?”
I don’t feel old or look my age. I stay in shape with regular 40 -50 mile non-stop bicycle rides which sometimes include 0.5 mile hills at 10 % grade. I consider myself to be very fortunate to be in good health. The following comment by more than one person is what made me feel good when standing next to my brother who is ten years younger than me – are you twins?
August 19th, 2009
I don’t think 30 qualifies as “old” so I haven’t really had much time to think about it yet.
On the other hand I am wiser and have learned a lot of life lessons over the past ten years that makes me a better, stronger person.
Since my MS diagnoses one month after my 30th birthday and health issues associated, I honestly haven’t felt that “life gets better with age” yet. I guess you would have to ask me again in five years. Unfortunately how I feel about my age would have a lot to do with my health situation and how I feel physically.
On the other hand, in some ways I do still feel like a kid. Maybe being carded for buying a lottery ticket helps.
August 19th, 2009
From the viewpoint of a broken-down former Airborne Infantry grunt of Vietnam vintage:
For me, what feels best about getting older is confidence. That I’ve come through some of the toughest situations and dealt with some of the most difficult people and have, not only survived, but grown and thrived since.
Also, confidence in your own power, skill and competence and the fact that you can truly say, “been there, done that”. That kind of experience is something that can’t be bought, can’t be taught. You have to go out there and actually live it. And, unfortunately, it takes time, patience, determination, tenacity and a bent sense of humor.
“I love a brave soldier who has undergone the baptism of fire.” – Napoleon Bonaparte
August 20th, 2009
I’m not sure how I feel about getting older? I don’t have any concerns or anything. In fact I look towards the future with welcoming arms…
Then again, I’ve always felt like I’m somewhat of an old soul already. I have an At A Glance calendar (sure I use Google Calendar but I have to have that written calendar anyway). I have a rolodex (I really do). And I’m perfectly fine at the thought of staying in and not going out clubbing (though that’s fun too). I’m fine with the thought of having breakfast/lunch at Denny’s amongst the older/calmer folk.
Anyway, when’s the big day? In case I missed it: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
August 20th, 2009
ok, I’m feeling like a grandmother among you young’uns here now – I’m in my 60’s and never been happier, wiser, sexier, more secure, UN-set in my ways than I am now. When I let myself slide and DO care what other people think, I end up laughing at myself for being so silly – what do THEY know about ME? I can tell you all that life gets better and better -and hopefully will for you, too, Carla – sending you prayers for help with your MS. Honestly, folks, life is a great ride and I look forward to being a wildly eccentric old lady! Don’t take things too seriously – live well, be gentle with yourselves, help your fellow humans and love every day.
August 20th, 2009
A few weeks ago, I woke up at 6:30 a.m., packed up my computer to work at the cafe, and left in the dark of early morning. As I was leaving my complex, I saw a girl in her early 20, mascara smeared, still dressed from clubbing. (the clubs here in Buenos Aires stay open laaaaate and some even serve breakfast to late clubbers!) I though, man, I AM GETTING OLD!
The big 4-0 is just around the corner for me, and it’s kinda depressing seeing these young girls with all this energy to stay out all night when I am in bed by 11 and up by 6:30. But then I thought that now, I don’t really have anything to prove to people. I’ve done all that, did the school thing, etc, and now it’s all about what I want to do. I don’t have to like everything or everyone my friends like. I don’t have to have to bow to any fashion style. I’m more independent, more introspective. I can be a kid again by exploring things I’ve never done before, or things I’ve always wanted to try. Oh, yeah, and I have the money to do it! It’s very liberating, and I’m so glad that I’m getting older. I think my 40’s are going to rock!
August 20th, 2009
—-When “OMG!” is replaced by, “Huh. Interesting,” as your first reaction, you’re in the driver’s seat of life.—
I love this line!
Thanks for that pearl of wisdom. And Jean -great insight!
August 21st, 2009
Lovely
Infact I will add another point. You may become 17 again, but then your whole life is ahead of you again.
I am pretty satisfied with life in general. I wouldnt want to go through the trauma and hard work *again*. Im happier to be older and on the other side of the fence.
August 21st, 2009
I’m only 22, so I haven’t experienced much of what you’re talking about. However, I completely agree but for different reasons.
When my mom was approaching fifty, she dreaded it. Over the hill, party at work with black balloons, etc. A month and a half before her birthday, she found out she had lung cancer. When she turned 50, she told me that she was glad she made it. She only lived three and a half months longer.
Now, I *hate* when people say “I’m getting old!” or dread a birthday. A friend of mine just turned 19 and was complaining. Be glad you’re still here and living! Be glad you made it to that age. My mom would have been 56 last month and I think she’d much rather be proud of her age and still be alive.
Each day is a blessing.
August 21st, 2009
If I lived my life again I’d do the same things I’ve done. I have no regrets and always want to embrace and enjoy life.
However I don’t like my body growing older! I’m 55!
August 22nd, 2009
“Old” is the point where inside, you’re past the point where you can plot and scheme and dream about what to do tomorrow. So – very, very few people ever get old. My late grandfather was young until the day he died (aged 80+). Old is both an attitude and a myth. There’s old*er*, sure – but not old.
I love being older. It’s like childhood, except you know what you’re doing this time so you can appreciate it properly.
August 23rd, 2009
Oh how I love the part about patience!! You nailed it about family/workplace drama, detecting BS, energy suckers – so nice to hear someone else put into words what I feel. Fantastic!
August 25th, 2009
Agree with all that you wrote, but have to say that overall, many of us are not enjoying aging.
That has a lot to do with some very basic things: Health and finances.
Ageism is increasing in the business world and getting worse given the tight economy for all ages, both men and women. Finding work, any kind, is challenging–and that includes when you are an independent contractor. Many of us in our late 50s and early 60s are just as into our work and want to continue, but can’t find ways to get paid. And we both want and need to work for quite a few more years.
And if one’s health is challenged, it changes EVERYTHING. That, perhaps more than age.
Aging works if you have the money and the health to enjoy it. Without that, you really don’t have the “freedom” you write about.
It’s especially true if you have no family or family close by. Many of us have great friends, who are scattered around the country and the globe, but we can no longer just pick up and visit them.
When your health limits your daily activities and your vastly lowered income limits your options, aging is a bitch. (My mother was one of the most active, outgoing and creative people I know. Then she hit 68. Had major health problems, had to stop work. Couldn’t get around. Her unhappiness and frustration took some mean turns with her family that was helping her with everything. We now totally “get” what she went through.)
We are grateful for what we can still do, but for many of us, our bodies cannot keep up with our minds and that makes aging a serious challenge. We are very grateful for our minds being in good shape, but that’s not always a blessing.
If you’ve spent a life on the go and doing things (work and leisure), finding that you can’t is very, very frustrating.
This is most definitely not the life we dreamed about at this stage. We thought we’d be traveling, volunteering, starting more businesses.
More and more folks are going to hit walls of one kind or another as they age. It will be interesting to see how those obstacles are overcome.
We will need help, that is for sure.
If anyone is looking for work in the future, consider anything related to helping the aging population.
October 12th, 2009
Great post. I believe we have a lot to learn from children, and many of us would do well to dust off some of the skills that we were quite good at as kids. But people who wish to be a kid again miss the point, I think. We need to combine the perspective of childhood with the power of adulthood. To me, the key is to escape the adulthood that we created for ourselves.
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