Stuff Isn’t Always the Enemy
Carla from Green and Chic addressed an interesting point head-on in the comments the other day:
“About the one-upmanship in the comments, I can relate to people feeling that way about me AND about me feeling that way about other people. This is mostly true in the simple/ uncluttering/ frugality/ personal development blogs both in the comments and the posts itself. Its almost like you’re not as enlightened or materialistic, etc. because you have a nice car or that evil STUFF. That attitude has really turned me off.” [Emphasis mine]
I so know the feeling. Notice the slowing down in posting in the last month on my part? Here’s one of the reasons: I was busy acquiring Stuff. Even though I give others a ton of leeway to own as much crap as they want with no judgement (Who am I to say what’s useful or meaningful to someone else?) , I totally impose that judgement on myself.
When I’m in an acquisitive mood, I tend to think that I have nothing relevant to contribute to the simplicity community. Therefore, fewer posts. Carla’s comment made one thing clear to me: that’s bull. No one can live by just getting rid of stuff. We all acquire. We all live on a spectrum of simplicity. Some days we’re practically monks. Other days we’re The Donald.
It’s all relevant, and it’s all worth talking about. There’s nothing inherently wrong with Stuff and loving Stuff. Lately I’ve been really enjoying my jewelry collection and the fabric scraps I couldn’t bear to declutter. (Hello scrap quilt and hooray for hoarding with a purpose!)
And how about this for a dirty little secret: buying some new stuff actually made me very happy. (!!!!) Again, I’m getting a better understanding of the spectrum that I personally inhabit. And if I go too far toward austerity for too long, I eventually wind up in a place where new is good–and necessary. I’m okay with that. It adds some spice to my life.
So if you’ve been beating yourself up over Stuff or dealing with a simpler-than-thou friend, cut yourself some slack. If you’ve got your long-term priorities straight, the short term ones usually take care of themselves.
What are your thoughts—have you noticed a spectrum in your life that you swing from side to side on? Or have you been able to find a happy medium and stay there comfortably?
Photo courtesy of hottholler
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This post has 20 comments
July 30th, 2009
I love your blog more and more….thanks for keepin’ it real and teaching us while doing it.
July 30th, 2009
There’s nothing inherently wrong with Stuff and loving Stuff.
Oh absolutely- it’s all about the place it occupies in one’s life. If the Stuff in question is loved and honoured and used, if it takes up no more mental or physical space than is comfortable for you, what’s the problem?
I’m a crafter and I have been told before that the Stuff I have accumulated through crafting is just ‘weighing me down’ and even that I should feel bad for having and enjoying it.. but what I have is (a) under control and (b) doesn’t fill me with dread just by looking at it. That’s the bulk of my litmus test, right there.
July 30th, 2009
Sara, I completely know what you mean. To some, simplicity is all about what you don’t have. To me, it is far more about a mindset of peacefulness and fulfillment. Do I know that those things often come when I have room to breathe and less stuff? Do I also know that sometimes stuff is nice, is fun, and adds to pleasure and experiences in life? Absolutely! I get rid of stuff because it often makes my head hurt to have things I don’t use or need. I do, however, love acquiring new things that I need or make my life easier. So, I don’t know if that makes sense, but in a nutshell, simplicity has more to do, for me, with how I choose to spend my time, how I feel, and what mindset I am in, than how much stuff I do or don’t have.
July 30th, 2009
“Simplicity has more to do, for me, with how I choose to spend my time, how I feel, and what mindset I am in, than how much stuff I do or don’t have.” Excellent way to put it. I wish I could have said it so eloquently!
July 30th, 2009
I’m still busy finding that *happy medium*.
I definitely do like STUFF, and I’m not against having STUFF. I’m just trying to refine what kind of STUFF is worth having, you know? I want to own my stuff, and not have my stuff own me.
Also, having two children under the age of 6, I tend to hear a lot of “I want that!” I’m pretty consistent with explaining the difference between junky toys and “good” toys…toys we’ll play with just once, and toys we’ll play with over and over again…toys that have sat in their closet forever and toys they play with daily. It’s a constant struggle, but I like to think I’m getting through to them.
Also, the fact that we’re probably going to be moving in a few months really, really helps me part with things. : )
July 30th, 2009
“And if I go too far toward austerity for too long, I eventually wind up in a place where new is good–and necessary”
To me this seemed comparable to starvation/anorexia and the aftermath. If you go too far into deprivation at some point your need to replenish will push it’s way to the surface. There is nothing wrong with having stuff – to me the simplicity aim is more about not gorging, paring back to what “adds” to your life and brings joy and quality of life, rather than empty aquisition.
Sounds to me like you are doing just fine. Please don’t hold back posting.
July 30th, 2009
Like all things, it’s a balancing act…My husband HAS to have stuff…and buys “stuff” all the time…Me, I want to know what I’m going to use it for, and really USE it…but this has been a process for me. I like to have things too, but find that so often, I don’t really use them…
Right now I have an extensive collection of Precious Moments…they have taken over a wall to wall shelving unit in my living room…seeing them all together like that, with little room for anything else, I’m almost disgusted…BUT, I couldn’t get rid of one single figurine…
I am thinking of boxing some of them up, and chaging my displays after a few months or so…hmm…
July 30th, 2009
Great topic and thank you for the shout out!
I think I tend to swing from one side or another. There are months (including the holiday seasons) where I would not purchase anything other than necessities and an occasional cup of coffee out. Then there are times when I go on a “shopping spree” and maybe spend $100 or something that isn’t 100% necessary. Though it isnt going to feed me or shelter me, I will use it whatever I spend money on.
Then I recently attended a very large clothing swap where I brought in three bags of shoes and clothes with the view of decluttering my closet in preparation of moving, but I came home with two new bags of clothes! At least I didn’t spend money on them, and will (and have) use them unlike clothes I haven’t touched in years due to the fact they are several sizes too large.
I think another important point for me is when I get rid of something, I dont miss it or even think about it most of the time.
July 30th, 2009
Even if we live simply without a lot of Stuff, our minds can still be full of Stuff, and then we aren’t mentally living simply, are we?
As long as I’m happy with the Stuff that I have, then I don’t see it as a problem. It’s when the Stuff just sits there accumulating and is completely unnecessary and makes me feel unorganized and frustrated that I know it’s time to de-clutter.
July 31st, 2009
I also notice that when I deprive myself of shopping for too long, I tend to buy a lot of items in a short amount of time. I’ve been trying to find that happy medium – but it’s tough!
July 31st, 2009
I’ve found that with my clothes, I need to be more fluid in moving in and out. I find that I don’t need a lot of clothes, but that over time items get outdated or just don’t feel right anymore. I’m trying to give myself some slack for wanting different items to wear and focus on removing the same number of items that I add so the total is generally always the same.
Now, other stuff… Well, it needs to GO!!! That’s my mission – actually letting go of those things that I really don’t like, want, need or use. Mentally I’m good at this but the reality is I can’t seem to accomplish it. Uggghhh!
August 1st, 2009
Great post. I’m not sure if I am always able to have a happy medium, but I certainly work on it!
August 2nd, 2009
Excellent ideas and comments! I definitely have too much stuff and I’m a relatively newcomer to the decluttering movement. I find this all interesting but the “holier-than-thou” attitude infiltrates almost all movements of any kind. People take things too far. Reasonableness sometimes takes a vacation.
August 3rd, 2009
This is a great post. I think simplicity isn’t some absolute state, but rather learning to live with what is important to you, whether that’s a lot or a little. It’s about making what you acquire have some meaning. For some people it will truly be minimal, but you can also have a nicely decorated home and still be living simply, if that’s what brings value to your life. As a side note, I have the same guilt issues with sustainable living. I try to be as green as possible most of the time, but for example I love travel and road trips and sometimes I feel I’m living a contradiction, but what you wrote near the end hits that right on the mark as well. “If you’ve got your long-term priorities straight, the short term ones usually take care of themselves.” I know most of the time I do live green and sustainably and my long term goals are to continue to do so, so I allow some guilty pleasures and don’t beat myself up when I might drive too much or do things that aren’t “green”.
August 4th, 2009
I agree with Carla when she says ” Its almost like you’re not as enlightened or materialistic, etc. because you have a nice car or that evil STUFF.”
I feel the same way about other aspects of my life: living in the suburbs, having two kids, going to church. All very traditional and snubbed by many as “not enlightened” and “materialistic” and consumer driven or marketing driven or not-thinking-for-oneself. Here’s the big shocker: I do think for myself. I’ve carefully considered pro’s and con’s to different ways to raise my family. I’ve found our traditional, religious, suburban lifestyle to be just right – actually almost perfect – for us and the kids. I just take the snubbing by those with an attitude as part of the price to pay for being confident in my chosen lifestyle.
August 4th, 2009
I don’t mind ’stuff’…. I even bought a fridge this week (now, to start paying it off *sigh*!)
August 6th, 2009
Oh. My. Gosh. I think I love you!
(Kidding, really.)
This sooooooo needed to be said. I’m serious. I am TIRED of the “holier-than-thou” attitude some people get when it comes to stuff. This is an awesome reality check.
Like, seriously, are you going to hate on me for spending a $1 on a hot wheels car that I tack to my wall? I mean, it’s that evil stuff and all… (Or my sports cars, I think people have a field day with that one.)
I don’t buy a ton of stuff, I just buy the stuff that I feel contributes something to my life. How it should be, right?
August 6th, 2009
I enjoyed your post – I found it over at FrugalDad. My attitude towards “stuff” and consumption seems to be closely related to my state of mind. More peace, less desire to shop. When I’m feeling stressed or frustrated, I have more of an urge to shop. If I wait it out – do something else – it usually passes when calm returns (ideal situation). If I succumb to the urge, I try not to remove tags or lose receipts for at least a few days. Chances are that I may decide I didn’t need it after all!
August 23rd, 2009
I enjoyed this post and the comments–I recently wrote a piece about stuff as well–”All Stuffed Up and Nowhere to Go.”
It appears that many of us are thinking about this!
http://kelliewardman.com/journal/2009/8/3/all-stuffed-up-and-nowhere-to-go.html
October 13th, 2009
To me, it’s all about joy and beauty, i.e. my definition of happiness. If I simplify my life to surround myself with only those things/people/activities I LOVE, bringing me joy and beauty, or things/activities that have a PURPOSE that bring me joy and beauty, then I am as simplified as I need to be.
To continue to remove those things/people/activities from my life would seem counterproductive. I would then have LESS joy and beauty.
But, to each his own, and I take what comments from others that are helpful to me, that help me achieve joy and beauty, and leave the rest behind.
Peace on your journey.
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