Remember high school? Confidence seemed like a commodity back then: something that came along with the right sneakers or was thrown in free with a party invitation. While it often wasn’t quite within your grasp, it felt within reach. One day we would acquire it with a serendipitous purchase or accomplishment, and then it would be ours forever.

Somewhere in the years following high school, we begin to realize that confidence can’t be purchased or manipulated quite so easily as we once imagined. Often it happens we get everything we once wished for and find there’s no confetti parade waiting to congratulate us. In the end, confidence seems to come down to one question: do you provide value to the world around you?

If you can answer yes to that question, you’ll likely always have the confidence to forge ahead with your life, to meet new people as equals, and to manage your time and priorities as you see fit. If not, your time is probably going to be spent trying to live up to external standards, a kind of metaphorical yardstick to measure yourself against. The problem with that yardstick: as we grow, so does it. There is no end game to external standards, only a yardstick that keeps growing just beyond reach.

Finding Value in Your Talents

There are plenty of shortcuts to providing value. You might even call them booby traps. I know, because I have a habit of falling into them. You see, I have a tendency to take underpaying jobs because I’ll be able to serve my community in a very clear (read: obvious, neon-sign kind of) way. With a somewhat selfless job title under my belt, I get a free pass to feel confident that I’m providing value. But in my case, I’m beginning to feel that this is just an easy way out, not a true measure.

The more challenging way of providing value is to max out your capabilities and do what others can’t or won’t do. If you’re following a passion, you’re likely providing value. And it doesn’t have to be tied to a typical job, either.

I know many people who find confidence in the fact that they can make others feel good about themselves—-that’s value. Some people offer gentle kindness while others are excellent at serving up the cold, hard truth; both are valuable. Some people raise their children to be caring, curious adults: that’s value, too. There’s more to providing value than a job title. In fact, I’m beginning to think that those who seek long-term confidence in a job title (myself included) are playing the wrong game.

Do You Provide Value?

In the end, if you want to feel confident in life—-every aspect of life—-you need to find a way to answer the question of value with a passionate “yes.” You don’t have to change the world. You don’t have to be a saint. But you do need to feel that every room you walk into is brighter and better equipped because you’re in it.

Simple, right?

What is your take? Can confidence really be distilled to one simple point or are there more factors at work?

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