How to Shut up and Enjoy the Silence
When I came home early Friday afternoon, I sensed that something was wrong. My husband greeted me as normal and Roo did his best to coat me with an extra layer of warm fur. Normal, but still, I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off. About two hours, a bottle of Stella and a trip to the taco truck later, it hit me: it was quiet.
And it was good.
There were no heart-thumping beats or soul-stirring steel guitar riffs blaring from the radio, nor the sound of going-for-broke radio DJs preparing for a three-day bender. The TV sat quietly, unable to regale me with tales of pounds lost and hearts won. Even the clicking and tapping of a keyboard that can typically be heard in our household were suspiciously silent.
Again, it felt good.

Silence is becoming a luxury—the kind it’s still okay to want. Silence lets you rest and reset, ponder and pontificate. The ideas that seem just beyond your mental grasp the rest of the day float effortlessly into your mind. And the world slows down, perhaps by just a few seconds, but enough to catch your breath.
In silence, no one is calling you to be comforted, IM alerts aren’t warning of impending doom (the news is never as bad as you imagine it will be, is it?), and no one is telling that you need something more in your life to be good looking enough, smart enough, or funny enough. In silence, you can be complete.
I love listening to music, the cheesier the better. (Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam have lifted me out of despair more than once.) But when art becomes background noise, an evening (or an hour) of silence can restore some balance. Of course, it’s not always that easy, is it? If I learned nothing else from spending three years living with chatty roommates, it’s this: silence isn’t a right, but it is worth fighting for.
Find a Moment of Silence in Your Day
- Take the long way home on your commute.
- Try noise cancelling headphones. (I can’t say I’ve tried these, but I’m oddly fascinated by them. They turn the rest of the world into your own personal mimes!)
- Turn off the telephone ringer, for just a few minutes if that’s all you can manage.
- Take a bath and let your ears stay underwater.
- Stop trying to accomplish everything during your children’s nap time, at least for a day.
- Hide the remotes and act innocent. (I’m only 90% kidding…)
- Keep the sound off on your computer or game until it’s truly essential.
- Hide in the bathroom. (Dude, it works.)
- Try watching TV on mute. Sometimes background images are all we need to keep a room from feeling empty.
- Institute meditation hour and reward unwilling participants with a favor. Or chocolate.
- Load just one disc into your CD player or a shorter playlist on your mp3 player. Let the tracks run out and see if you even notice.
- Sit in your parked car in the garage and let yourself relax.
- Ask your partner or roommate to tell you the three most important things from their day. This can help you stay connected while keeping you from drowning in the minutia of their daily interactions (”and then there was this other guy, and he sat next to me, but I didn’t talk to him, and then I walked to the Coke machine and they were totally out of Coke…”).
What do you do to find silence? Is silence a universal need? Let me know what you think the comments.
photo credit: lepiaf.geo






This post has 32 comments
February 16th, 2009
Hi Sara,
I’ve got to admit that this is one of my weak points. It seems I’ve always got something “playing” in the background. It might be a Gary Vaynerchuk video on the computer, an educational CD in the car, the radio, or something piping it’s way through iTunes (thankfully – we had the cable cut for the TV, so that’s one less source of noise). But I do sometimes reach saturation and enjoy easing into some total silence.
Reading your peace also made me realize that I rarely have any “mental silence.” I’m always reading something if I’m not listening to something or talking to someone. I think it’s also important to shut that valve off from time to time.
Cheers,
Adam
Adam Steer – Better Is Betters last blog post..Tabata TacFit Style – High Intensity Metabolic Conditioning Session Sample
February 16th, 2009
hi Sara,
I’ve lived in silence for so many years that to have music or TV in the background can actually feel painful. I love my silent room at night, coming home to a silent peaceful place. I guess I’m not typical and some friends think it’s weird I don’t have any sound to fill up the background. But I love it, and I’m glad you’re enjoying it!
Daphnes last blog post..Having It All, Losing It All
February 16th, 2009
Sara, that’s a beautiful description of silence .. it’s just like bliss.
Silence in mind is also important – when I can slow down my mind and tune away from tasks and work and conversations … when I can truly be in the present, it feels absolutely great.
Avani-Mehtas last blog post..How To Create Lasting Relationships
February 16th, 2009
Good post Sara. I’m another one who needs to do more in this area. Seems like I’ve always got something playing in the background.
Will try some of your suggestions and get a little quiet time into my days.
Thanks.
February 16th, 2009
Hi Sara,
I will try and take your advice on point 5 and yes there are some days when I can often be found indulging in point 8…I back Sara up on this one it really does work!
Aaaah the sound of silence what’s that like again?
I’m an early riser (up by 5:15/5:30 each morning) and in the summer I love sitting outside on the deck with a cup of coffee and just being still. This is truly my favorite time of the day!
Sherris last blog post..Stand Your Ground, But Only On The Important Stuff
February 16th, 2009
I love this post! It is rare for me to able to find a moment of silence with my three kids, but I do relish that when they are all tucked into bed, sleeping soundly.
P.S. I just have you a vote for great blog on Remodeling This Life.
Taylor at Household Management 101s last blog post..Feb 14, Personal Finance Blogs I Recommend
February 16th, 2009
Silence – I love it…I crave it by day’s end, and over the years I’ve learned to allow it into my life. As meditation in the morning and simply sitting, no distractions in the late afternoon. It’s challenging for most because silence is where truth lies…It’s also where we find peace, balance and freedom. I believe it to be an extremely important part of our well-being.
February 16th, 2009
You are so right Sara!
As a college student, I find it really difficult to find that silence sometimes, and even harder to explain to friends the concept. They’ll see me in the middle of the quad on warm days, laying out on the grass, just staring up at the trees. And they’ll accuse me of wasting time. When in fact, I’m trying to meditate on a serious decision, or take a few breathers before a big exam.
Admittedly, my first year–I got caught up in trying to fit in and do homework with the music blasting, chatting with friends, logging on to Facebook, while chatting on the phone. I was always so exhausted!
Nowadays, silence, beyond any other remedy, is what keeps me centered. The hiding in the bathroom one definitely works!
Thanks for a great post!
<3, Maricor
Maricor C.s last blog post..I’m changing, and I like it.
February 16th, 2009
I like these ideas. I like the silence but my roommate is always playing music (which is also enjoyable)… she’s gone out of town for the week so now it’s really quiet and I’m taking advantage of that!
Sagans last blog post..Life Lessons: Aikido Part Two
February 16th, 2009
This post is PERFECT for a Monday. We’re being loud with table saw, chop saw… I’m so thankful that Germany has laws for quiet hours where we (and everyone else) must stop using loud tools and anything else that disturbs down to a vacuum.
Katie
Katies last blog post..Building a Double Garage in the Apartment
February 16th, 2009
Just a couple more ideas for college students like Maricor:
Take the bus. It can be a great time to unwind and decompress between class and home.
Hit up the engineering library (or any other specialty library). Often the main library is packed with students and half of them are socializing. Find a dead floor or explore the other on-campus options.
College was absolutely the hardest time to find peace and quiet. I think that’s where I developed such an appreciation of it!
February 16th, 2009
Like most introverts, I crave silence and am smart enough to insist on it. I have learned that silence is not an option when the kids are around, but I’m very fortunate to have at least a couple of hours of alone time each day. When I’m alone, the house is silent.
February 16th, 2009
By the way, I LOVE your new logo!
Vered – MomGrinds last blog post..Rain In California. Finally.
February 16th, 2009
Many people seem to run from themselves through “noise”. Silence is a commodity I have come to value more than most other things.
Proper use of silence allows us to recharge and reflect on the important things in life. We are too often inundated by images and talk attempting to convince us we need more noise.
Great recommendations.
Namaste,
Roger
Rogers last blog post..What Is It You Want Most From Life?
February 16th, 2009
I don’t play background music or have the TV on. I love having things quiet.
Jean Browman–Cheerful Monks last blog post..Not a Game for Control Freaks
February 16th, 2009
I love the peace and quiet. My house with three preschoolers is loud enough without any extra noise added to the mix!
I even like to turn off the phone sometimes….
February 16th, 2009
I have silence every day, any time.
I’m deaf, so all it takes is a simple switch of my hearing aids and I hear nothing. Maybe that’s why I’m pretty stress free? I get more hours of silence than most.
February 16th, 2009
This is so true. I’ve found recently that if it gets too crazy at work for example, I’ll go to the stairwell to the highest floor and just sit in silence for about five minutes. It’s such a simple thing…but works wonders.
February 16th, 2009
Yes I believe silence is necessary. I sit in silence daily. I ask for guidance and receive my answers. It never fails.
Is it necessary for everyone? Yes. However silence means different things for different people.
If we can’t quiet our busy minds we will have craziness. Inside and out.
February 17th, 2009
I really enjoyed this. It’s so true … silence is becoming a luxury !
I was looking for something similar yesterday. Not quite silence but almost. I just did a post about it …
February 17th, 2009
I used to love to go clubbing. It was important for me to be in the “in crowd”. The noise was important to my sanity, I thought. But these were the yesteryears. I was living in some kind of dream, on reflection now.
I value silence, more than a lot of things. Like Daphne, I don’t have music playing mostly in the background. I find it distracting somewhat. There is every comfort in nothingness. No distraction. More clarity.
February 17th, 2009
Outer silence is important indeed, as a result inner silence is important too.
When I was on polyphasic sleep (1.5 hours of sleep in 24 hours using the power of naps), at one point my body was asleep completely and I noticed everything was so quite, I never heard such silence before. The silence was my mind, (I am using mind here as mental chatter and note that the mind and brain are two different things) my mind had stopped thinking about my problems and my worries. All activity of stress and depression were gone. Within the silence, I noticed something spectacular.
This is very much compared to some types of meditation, the goal in some types of meditation is to quiet the mind. It is difficult to hold the mind still for even a few seconds for most people. You would think that the difficulty of quieting the mind through this sleeping pattern would be to stay awake, but at the stage that the mental chatter died.
The spectacular thing I felt, was me within the silence, and I was so much bigger than the problems and stress of my mind. I could feel my whole being and feelings of my infinite potential. I first thought this was the sleep deprivation but after the adoption period I could tell what it really was, I had stopped my worry of continuously thinking of some goal or desire I have to complete, that I was letting life live through me, rather than trying to manipulate life to satisfy the minds way of limited thinking.
The mind is always trying to reach a goal or make life somehow better. The mind finds problems and tries to fix those problems continuously. The mind is never at rest since there is always something to ‘make better’. Yet in this silence, you realize the mind is an illusion. In the silence, you can relax because you see the bigger picture.
I find with inner silence, outer silence comes quite naturally because you can tune anything out in the outside world at will and not have the mind chattering away by observing everything around it.
February 17th, 2009
Hi Sara
I think I can speak for most introverts and say that silence is a life saver. Sometimes I wish I could even silence my thoughts (I guess that would be successful meditation)
Juliet
February 17th, 2009
I um…don’t actually like silence. I always like to have some background noise, unless I’m trying to sleep or concentrate on something that’s taxing my brain.
I often have trouble silencing my thoughts when I’m trying to sleep. Maybe I’m overstimulated….
February 17th, 2009
I love to take baths. Even if it’s just for 20-30 minutes, its a luxury to be able to carve out that time during the week, but it is so worth it. Essential oils, epsom salts, bubbles, beeswax candles, using the dimmer on the light, and I’m in heaven. No music, no conversation. As a natural introvert, this is important for me.
Carlas last blog post..Save water, time and money in your yard
February 17th, 2009
Love the new layout!
This was a great post. I do like to listen to talk radio in my car, but recently I’ve refused to turn it (my radio) on at all while driving. Makes a huge difference!
February 19th, 2009
Ok, this is totally random and I feel silly saying it but who cares… This morning when I woke up, I stretched and let out a big yell! Then I sat there in complete and utter silence for about 2 minutes thinking about nothing in particular and then it was off to the races.
When I work and study, I can’t have silence. I’ll usually work or read to the tune of Cirque du Soleil or Jack Johnson. But complete and utter silence just doesn’t do it. Even when I’m off to sleep, I need a little music. Weird huh?
The mornings are just about the only times I sit there, ponder my day in complete silence and then I’m off.
February 19th, 2009
Your primal scream cracks me up, Ricardo! And it’s hard to argue with Jack Johnson.
Anybody else thrive on noise like Ricardo?
February 20th, 2009
Hi Sara – I love silence and work with no noise except the tapping of my fingers on the keyboard or the sound of my pen gliding on the paper.
The times when I’ve had the TV on, the background noise starts to get to me, as well as the depressing news, so I get up and turn it off.
I cherish the late evenings when the house is quiet and I can get lost in my thoughts.
BTW: Your blog is looking great.
Barbara Swaffords last blog post..Avatar Honesty
February 20th, 2009
Sara, my husband seems to need all sorts of noise in his life. He can’t even enjoy a bike ride without plugging up to his iShuffle. He also gets pretty addicted to sound of the fan at night in the summer. He doesn’t understand how I can stand all that silence. Definitely a case where opposites attracted.
Leah Ss last blog post..Quilt Along fabric
February 23rd, 2009
@Sara: LoL. Primal huh?
A little noise is ok but it has to be mellow ya know? Jack, and a few others seems to work well.
Ricardo Buenos last blog post..A Look at "Naked Conversations"
March 11th, 2009
I just found your blog today, and I’m really enjoying it so far! Your posts seem to reflect a lot of what I think about. I also LOVE silences. To go with that though, I like to have stillness as well. I love the feeling you get at 4AM, like you’re the only person in the world. When I can’t find time for some quality quiet time, I do try to meditate at least. It helps me keep my sanity!
Slinkys last blog post..Roth IRA progress
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