My Dirty Blogging Secret
I love so many things about blogging. It’s creative, there’s a ton of cool folks out there to meet, and I’m forced to think about things I probably wouldn’t otherwise. I get a rush out of reader comments like you wouldn’t believe, and I enjoy getting advice and answers from everyone each week. (And for the record, you were right about the rice cooker: awesome and easy.)
Still, this dirty little secret weighs me down. It makes me feel like the honesty I share with you is compromised. And it’s time to change. It’s time to let my husband read my blog.
That’s right, B has never read a word I’ve written here—even about himself. (For the record, he’s super supportive.) He’s the one person whose opinion I respect most in the world, which I why I never want to hear him that he doesn’t care for my writing. When it comes down to it, I’m scared that I’ll find his opinion confirms that my writing successes (blogging and outside) have been flukes. And it’s time to let go of that fear.
There’s been a degree of freedom in knowing that no one in my in-person life can critique my writing or ideas. Still, it all feels like a bit of a cop-out at this point. I’m simplifying my blogging life and my emotional life, and taking the barriers down.
Some barriers are valuable. For instance, I believe that a healthy separation between work and home can be a wonderful thing. But in other situations, the barriers we set us up can hold us back. That’s the barrier I’m taking down today.
What barriers are holding you back? Is it time to rethink them? How do we judge which barriers are useful and which are outmoded?
And if you’ve got any dirty secrets to share, please feel free…
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This post has 31 comments
January 28th, 2009
This post reminds me of that Seinfield episode where they insisted on the “multiple worlds” or something like that. There was work George, home George, etc, etc. And it was imperative that the worlds did not collide…
I’ll have to think on whether I have any barriers between worlds.
Cheers,
Adam
Adam Steer – Better Is Betters last blog post..What is a Density Cycle?
January 28th, 2009
Hi Sara,
I understand your hesitation! Over time, I’ve become more comfortable with my own writing. And in so doing, it’s become easier to let people from you offline world see my writing in the online world. It didn’t happen overnight, though. Right now, my wife is my biggest supporter – and I appreciate the true and honest feedback she provides. This will be good for you Sara…
Lances last blog post..Going Round In Circles
January 28th, 2009
This amazes me! Your blog is so well-written. I can’t believe your husband has never read it.
I have a personal blog and I don’t share it with anyone except a few close family members. I don’t know why I’m so hesitant to share with others. It’s just a silly little blog that mostly chronicles (sporadically) my home life with my husband and three kids. I did send Christmas cards and put the web site on some of them, but again, they were family. I think it’s going to be awhile before I let down that barrier.
Thanks for sharing.
January 28th, 2009
my hubby knows about my blog and reads it from time to time but it always makes my heart jump a bit when he brings up the subject. I think there is a freedom to blogging that is compromised when people we know read what we write. But it’s also a matter of trusting that people we love will still love us, maybe even more, after they read our words. I am glad you broke down that barrier. I am sure he’ll love the blog and your words.
Emily@remodelingthislifes last blog post..Link Love: Baby, It’s Cold Outside Edition
January 28th, 2009
Haha, it is NO fluke that your blog is a success and I feel certain that your hubby will agree.
My husband was my first subscriber and I love it when he emails me to let me know he loved my post that day.
Nicki at Domestic Centss last blog post..Do You Garden? Do You Can?
January 28th, 2009
Some walls are buffers, some are barriers.
I’m still learning and exploring. I’ll do a six month checkpoint on my blog soon to see if I need to put up some walls, or rip some down (or it will no longer be a six month check point
J.D. Meiers last blog post..Avoid Mental Burnout
January 28th, 2009
Thanks for the kind words everyone! And Adam, you cracked me up with the reference. I totally remember that episode. Fortunately, my separate worlds are not so imperative.
January 28th, 2009
Haha no dirty secrets here. My real life friends know that I blog. My family does too. My parents read my blog as does my boss. Of course, this means that I can’t write whatever I want. There are limits. But I’m OK with that. Even if I wrote anonymously, I doubt I would reveal too much about myself.
January 28th, 2009
@ J.D. Meier – I like that comment about buffers vs. barriers. My husband doesn’t read my blog but most of my friends do. It does limit what I write sometimes but I appreciate their support.
Joy (from Just Plain Joy)s last blog post..Guest Post on My Super-Charged Life
January 28th, 2009
My husband has been my biggest supporter! I did not tell anyone about my blog for a long time – since I write so much about my life. But now, it does not seem to bother me that a lot of people in my family know about my blog – and people do not seem to judge me as much as I thought they would actually.
It feels good to have that burden off!
Mayas last blog post..The One Hundred: A Guide to Pieces Every Happy and Balanced Soul Must Embrace: Simplicity
January 28th, 2009
That’s a big step:)
It’s really good to take a look at our barriers now and again to see if they are good and progressive or if they are holding us back. Even just moving them slightly can help us experience whole new worlds, too.
Sagans last blog post..Eat Your Veggies!
January 28th, 2009
I commend you– not for letting your husband finally read your blog, but for admitting your secret. Success can seem so unattainable that when we finally reach it, we become fearful of losing it or that someone will call us out on being a fraud. The same fears run through my mind all the time.
Caras last blog post..Reusing plastic linen/bedsheet cases
January 28th, 2009
“…we become fearful of losing it or that someone will call us out on being a fraud.” Exactly! Anybody else ever get that feeling?
January 28th, 2009
Sooo, is he reading it? I bet he is wonderful and supportive? It is funny tho isnt’ it, getting used to these new hurdles we cross?
For me I think I’d feel very funny if my parents read mine, that God they don’t even have a computer.
Jannie Funsters last blog post..Twinkle Shooters
January 29th, 2009
Hey Sara!
Sometimes I wish my hubby wouldn’t read my blog. He’s just so full of ideas, it sometimes makes me feel like I’m a bit silly.
Of course, I know that’s impossible
Actually, if it wasn’t for my husband, I would have probably never blogged at all. I’m so glad he got me into it, and has helped me along the way.
Melanie Thomassians last blog post..7 Ways You Can Encourage Your Friends to be Healthy
January 29th, 2009
I have been somewhat uncomfortable when I realize that friends and family have been reading my blog. I also find it hard to tell some friends of what I do online. I can almost hear them telling me that I’m wasting my time!
Evelyn Lims last blog post..101 Negative Money Beliefs
January 29th, 2009
Hi Sara
I know how you feel about the fear of showing your writing to those close to you. I battle with showing my boyfriend and he is the one who has done all of the web development and programming behind our blog, website and software!
This is my first visit (so forgive me if you have talked about it elsewhere) but, what do you write outside of blogging?
I’m enjoying it here
Juliet
LifeMadeGreat | Juliets last blog post..Overcoming The Barriers Of Introversion: Starting The Process
January 29th, 2009
My fiance reads many of my posts but I’m yet to impress her with fantastic writing. She is supportive of my “habit” especially when I show her that this “habit” makes some extra money. I’m glad she is honest and somewhat critical sometimes, I thrive on feedback.
the weakonomists last blog post..Qvisory – What is 2009 Going to Look Like?
January 29th, 2009
I try to encourage my friends and family to read my blog. When I first started blogging I tried to get them to read comments, but they didn’t want to put themselves out there. I understood.
Now all I do is send out an email about three times a year telling them that I have a really cool blog post up. That way they know about what I’m going, but don’t feel any pressure.
I understand the importance of secrets. My confidence has taken a hit because of work related issues. I know that I write about work happiness, but we all struggle at times. I act as though I’m fine and lift my head high, but it’s tough. I just keep pushing through, taking notes for my readers and trying my best.
Karl Staib – Work Happy Nows last blog post..Does Your Mission Inspire?
January 29th, 2009
Sarah,
My husband is an accountant and the last thing he wants to do is read my blog. However he has been supportive and proof read my book more than once and will do so if I ask him to with other things.
Barriers I’m holding back with? I’ll be thinking of this today!
Tess The Bold Lifes last blog post..Bold Compassion for The Unemployed
January 29th, 2009
So I sucked it up and made this announcement to my husband, who I’ve been telling he can’t read my blog for months now. His response was classic: “Um, okay. Uh, do I have to do it now?”
And Juliet, I also do a bit of freelance work outside of the blog (web content, magazines) and some grant writing.
January 29th, 2009
Good and Brave move.
You’ll find that even if you don’t both agree on your posts, he’ll know more about you, which is great.
Dan Massicottes last blog post..How To Interpret The Media In a More Positive Way
January 29th, 2009
I’m laughing because I could have written this post. I have the same thing going on with my blog – do I want my husband to read and run the risk of criticism, and not feeling free to write about him at all? Then other days, I’m TOTALLY OFFENDED because he DOESN’T read my blog – like doesn’t he care about me at all? That is strange isn’t it. A no-win. Funny though -
ginas last blog post..two-timing
January 29th, 2009
That’s so interesting, I tell everyone I know that I have a blog, including perfect strangers at my gym (most of whom get a blank look on their face since they don’t know what a blog is). In fact, sometimes I print out blog posts I’ve written and am particularly happy with and hand them out to people I know (yes, seriously). I guess it depends on your personality type. Well, I’m glad your husband can now enjoy your blog along with the rest of us
Marelisas last blog post..Awesome Creativity Blogs
January 29th, 2009
Oh, it’s so good to share with your husband. I do agree with what others said, when we know that people you know are reading it there are some things you don’t say. But I love it when my husband comes home and says “oh, I showed so and so your blog today.” Even though mine is just about my kiddos…
Darcys last blog post..Precarious Snack Spot
January 29th, 2009
Ha! This pretty much describes how I felt when my wife finally got on Facebook a year after I did. Worlds colliding…
Christophers last blog post..Mother & Son Reunite via MySpace…After 32 Years!
January 29th, 2009
My fiancé has never read my blog either, nor has my mother (who just got the internet) or my brother. I don’t care if they stumbled upon it, but I’m not in a hurry to feed it to them either. I don’t even think my mother and brother knows what a blog IS.
My fiancé is online all the time for work, etc, but he’s not much of a blog reader unless I send him a specific article of interest. He is very supportive of me though.
Carlas last blog post..Blogroll – 1/29/2009
January 29th, 2009
@ Marelisa: That’s hilarious you do that : D
January 29th, 2009
Thanks for sharing this. My sense is that it sounds like a great step toward more intimacy in the relationship because now you can be loved based on the more complete truth of who you are. But now I’m getting self-conscious because I’m commenting on the relationships of people I don’t even know.
Chris Edgar | Purpose Power Coachings last blog post..Puffins Are Adorable (And Why This Matters)
January 30th, 2009
@Chris: Don’t worry about commenting on our relationship. If it wasn’t okay with me for people to talk about it, I wouldn’t write about it!
February 1st, 2009
Hiya Sara! So, for whatever reason I didn’t know that this was the case. But I can see why the reservation in letting him read your content. I had the same reservations about other people reading mine (close friends and family) when I launched my site. I didn’t think they’d “get it” and so I never really made any type of introduction.
Now though, I just put it all out there. It wasn’t easy, but what the heck!? Right?
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