The Only Way You’re Ever Going to Break a Bad Habit
Bad habits have a way of sticking around far longer than we’d prefer. Midnight junk food binges, poor dating choices, and bad financial decisions are all bad habits worth dumping. I’ve struggled with tons of bad habits, but the most recent one gave me a new outlook on how to deal with self-destructive behaviors.
Pour Some Sugar on Me
Here’s my problem: I love candy. I mean, seriously. Love. Candy. That doesn’t make me a sociopath, but it does make my pants fit more snugly than I’d like when I overinduldge. So I made a decision: I loved food and didn’t want to cut back, so I’d simply exercise more and call it even. I even managed to follow through for about four days!
Not surprisingly, my fake under-planned exercise program did not create the ideal balance I was looking for. The candy (and tri-tip, and homemade pizza) all continued and the results were predictable. I felt like crap. My clothes were uncomfortable and unflattering and I felt like a failure.
I wish I could tell you how and when it clicked, but I can’t. I can tell you that I realized I was making one completely false assumption:
I loved food more than I hated exercise.
This is totally not true. In fact, I hate exercise far more than I love food. (I’m not talking about general physical activity, just enforced periods of working out. If you’ve got some insight into making exercise more fun, please drop into the comments!) The real truth was much more honest, even if embarrassing to admit:
I loved fitting in my clothes more than I loved food.
Not noble. Not at all. But it’s amazing how easy it was to change once I admitted the truth to myself. Now it wasn’t a matter of, “I want an extra serving of chicken parm. I’ll, um, do some yoga or something.” The math on that one never quite worked out in my favor. Now, it’s a matter of, “I want more chicken parm. But I really want to wear my favorite jeans tomorrow. One serving it is.” It’s painless and it helps me make smarter decisions that stick. The internal logic is sound for me. (If you were wondering, I do quite a bit of physical activity throughout the day that keeps me at a healthy weight provided I eat sensibly.)
In the end, what stuck with me was this: breaking a bad habit isn’t about doing what’s “right.” It’s also not about paying absolution. It’s about finding something you simply want more, and weighing that cost whenever you’re tempted.
Has this been true for you at all? What’s your take on this? Drop into the comments and let me know!
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This post has 22 comments
November 28th, 2008
I like the idea of adjusting your personal justification equation until you get something that works.
For exercise tips: skip the workout and do something you find enjoyable.
Clubs can be mostly social with a bit of exercise. Running groups that meet at most runner oriented stores come to mind but there is a group for every activity.
Paying for a class can also be motivating. You have already shelled out the money, so it gets you to go.
November 28th, 2008
Exercise IS fun! As a two-time Ironman finisher, I can honestly say that exercise is a blast if you have a fitness goal. For example: run or walk a 5KM race, or swim 1KM, or bike in an event.
Doing exercise for the sake of losing weight is more of a chore.
Squawkfoxs last blog post..Squawkback: Are you shopping the Black Friday sales? How much will you spend?
November 28th, 2008
I’m also an exercise fan (I ran a 5K yesterday morning). You just have to find the kind of exercise you like. In the summer I garden, in the winter I run & do yoga. I have found that signing up for a race is the best motivator to keep running, I paid $20 to run so I’d better be in shape so I can finish!!!
Susys last blog post..Thanksgiving Day Sucess
November 28th, 2008
Hey Sarah,
The first truism which you have discovered intuitively is…
You can’t train your way out of a bad diet.
At least 75% of any effort at changing body composition is going to be related to what kind of food you are consuming and how much.
A nice rule of thumb to use in order to eat well most of the time but still enjoy your favorite indulgences is the 90/10 rule. Eat perfectly 90% of the time. The other 10%, do whatever you want. And whatever you do don’t feel guilty about it. That 10% will not derail your efforts.
As far as exercise goes, if you dig a little there are tons of ways to make exercise more fun. The one I’ve found the most useful is to add skill into the mix. So you aren’t just exercising for quantity but also for quality. Each time you train you are trying to get better at a skill. A great program to start with for that is FlowFit®. This is a bit of self-promotion, but in reality it is a way to offer you something for free. I have a newsletter and in the post-sign-up process I offer the use of a free FlowFit tutorial that I use for my online distance clients. There is a sign-up box on my blog if you want to check it out. I think the free FlowFit tutorial is in a follow-up email 1 day after sign-up.
Hope that wasn’t too much of an infomercial… Just want to offer the information for anyone interested.
Cheers,
Adam
Adam Steers last blog post..What are those Clubbell® Things?
November 28th, 2008
In thinking on your post, I was reminded of this one that I wrote a while back and which, I think, touches on some of the nerves which are hinted at in what you wrote.
Cheers,
Adam
Adam Steers last blog post..What are those Clubbell® Things?
November 28th, 2008
This reminds me of how I stopped smoking–I looked in the mirror, and I realized that I wanted nice skin more than a cigarette. Honestly! I saw how it was making my skin look worn, and my vanity won out!
Namaste
November 28th, 2008
I cured my junk food habit years ago by finding some things I loved to do more than eating. It took a lot of exploring, but once I found them my only problem was sometimes having to remind myself to eat. Hey, I can handle that.
Jean Browman–Cheerful Monks last blog post..Our Garden in the Woods
November 28th, 2008
Also, it’s a fact that exercise doesn’t compensate for a crappy diet. You have to do a LOT of exercise to burn off the fat and calories from candy.
Caitlins last blog post..Wild catch: The Skies of Pern by Anne McCaffrey
November 28th, 2008
First, I want to say I like your new look here on the blog
Second, I agree with Fox above saying that it’s more fun with a goal like she described than for weightloss. Then it just feels like one big obligatory chore and who the heck likes chores?
I have had to kick a bad habit or two in my lifetime and one pretty recently. You are right that finding something to weigh it against that works for you is just about the only way to be successful.
Oh and P.S. I love candy too. And my metabolism. hopefully those two things won’t start disagreeing with each other any time soon.
Emily@remodelingthislife.coms last blog post..Thankful
November 28th, 2008
Hi Sara - wow, I really appreciate the explanation of your logic. Instead of choosing to avoid a negative outcome, you reframed it so that you instead chose a more desireable *positive* outcome.
I’m gonna have to digest this for a little while in my mind so I can apply the logic to myself.
Al at 7ps last blog post..Guest Post at Write to Done
November 28th, 2008
I’ll basically repeat what has already been said above - proper diet and exercise are both important but exercise will not overcome a poorly balanced diet or one that takes in more calories than expended. I know this as fact from experience.
As far as ‘forced’ exercise is concerned, I have a Total Trainer (similar to a Total Gym) and a bike trainer (Kurt Kinectic road machine) that I use. I monitor the exercises and number of repetitions on the Total Trainer and use a cyclocomputer and a heart rate monitor on my bike trainer. I keep track of my progress in an Excel spreadsheet as a way to see my improvement. It’s boring so I have to ‘blast’ my music and think about the bike rides I was doing in the previous season and how I’m going to improve my numbers next year.
November 28th, 2008
I’m so glad to get all this feedback–I was definitely hoping to hear from fitness-minded readers. And you’ve been very kind. I halfway expected to get lambasted for my unhealthy choices. I appreciate the helpful support and suggestions, and I hope other readers will, too. Thanks!
November 28th, 2008
I’ve found the key to change is linking feelings. I know it sounds overly simplified, but it makes a huge difference.
Here’s an example. Running on my elypitcal trainer didn’t *feel* good. I tried to *think* my way through it. Finally, I just played my favorite songs and then it *felt* good. Each time I run, I play my favorite songs linking it to feeling good.
J.D.s last blog post..Leadership Challenge Checklist
November 28th, 2008
Hi Sara!
Boy, do I ever hear you on the candy thing! I love sweet stuff…always have, and probably always will. For me, the trick was discovering intermittent fasting. I started doing it for simplicity’s sake (not having to worry about lunches) but I quickly realized that it totally eliminated all my unhealthy cravings. I don’t IF all the time, but find I feel much better when I do.
Jennifer Skinner - The Very Small Closets last blog post..Happy Thanksgiving
November 29th, 2008
I find that in breaking bad habits, it also pays to look into secondary beliefs. Most secondary beliefs or reasonings lie in the subconscious mind. We may need to address them. They are the “I want to stop eating junk food but _____”. The buts are those that lay hidden and may well sabotage our original intent.
Evelyn Lims last blog post..7 Ways To Center Yourself In Gratitude
November 29th, 2008
Though I love exercise and do it often, it doesn’t substitute a good diet. Because I have insulin resistance and various food intolerance’s, I could exercise until my legs fall off and it wont make a difference if my diet isnt up to par. I have to do both - no substitutions or bargains. I also love fitting into my clothes. That reason doesn’t hurt either.
November 29th, 2008
I’m currently reading Michael Pollan’s “In Defense of Food: An Eater’s Manifesto,” which is really changing the way I view food.
My worst habit is ordering pizza delivery whenever I don’t feel like cooking, even if I have food in the house. I was soon in the same boat you are: love the treat, but hate that my pants are snug.
I pick up the book whenever I find myself tempted. So far, it’s helped. I also started tracking my spending via Mint, and once I saw how much I was spending on takeout, I was shocked. Just having those reminders around helps. Don’t want to waste money and don’t want snug pants.
I’m also working on changing my mindset. Pizza should be an occasional treat. If you have something all the time, then it’s now longer a treat and not as satisfying.
Deborah Johnsons last blog post..Family Traditions
November 30th, 2008
It’s definitely all about being honest with yourself! Only then can you successfully tackle the problem. And I feel the same way as you do:)
Sagans last blog post..Sandwiches are beautiful
December 1st, 2008
this is so funny…I had the same realization a few weeks ago. For years I ahd told myself that I loved food, and I wasn;t willign to give it up. But you’;re right, the feeling of discomfort and misery of not fitting into my clothes was worse. So I took it one step further: I hate guilt more than I love food. And when I overindulge, it inevitable comes with feelings of failure, disappointment and misery. Saying no to a chocolate chip cookie - as much as I love it - means freedom from guilt, which is worth more to me than my cravings, any day. (well, most days…)
roxys last blog post..And heaven and angels sing…
December 2nd, 2008
Changing habits indeed is one of the most difficult things. Have you ever heard of chaining? It is a concept that helps you to create a chain of positive behavior. You try keep it going as long as possible. Once you fail you start again and try to last longer this time and after a while it becomes a new habit.
http://memytime.wordpress.com/2008/11/06/change-habits-with-forward-chaining/
I wrote an article about chaining on my Time Management Master blog in case you want to read more about it.
January 5th, 2009
This has been coming up so frequently for me, it’s a little Twilight Zone:
In order to accomplish a goal/release an old habit/yada yada yada, you need to find the “why” before you find the “how.” It’s that simple, but very scary too.
WhenIGrowUpCoachs last blog post..Motivation Monday: Installment 10 (Hooray for double digits!)
April 12th, 2009
I just discovered your blog so I’ve been reading older entries and came upon this one. I can so relate. My clothes right now are really snug and I hate it and I’ve been playing the same game about exercising more which never happens. I like to exercise some but not enough to wipe out all the extra calories I’m eating. I love your approach. I definitely like fitting into my clothes more than I like to eat. I’ll let you know how that works for me. Is it working for you?
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