Wedding Bouquet

Being a bride or groom can be one of life’s most fulfilling experiences. From the moment the ring is on that finger, you become transformed into the hero or heroine of a real-life fairy tale. Your fairy godmother has arrived, and you can rest easy knowing that you’re one of the lucky ones who will live happily ever after. At least, that’s what you think you’re supposed to feel like. The real experience can be quite a bit different, and that’s a good thing.

If you aren’t thrilled by the thought choosing centerpieces, you’re not the only one. Before the big day happened, I experienced a whirlwind of emotions and emerged on the other side, having firmly decided to have our wedding, and not what anyone else told me was my dream. Here’s my humble advice for brides and grooms to-be who are questioning the hype:

1. Don’t feel like you have to show off. Many people relish the thought of finally getting to show everyone how classy, elegant, or creative they are through their wedding. If you’re not one of them, you may end up feeling weird, like a fish out of water. Vendors will show you items designed to elicit envy and approval. When you suggest something simpler, you may get sidelong looks and worry about coming off as cheap. Don’t sweat it. Just because this is one of the few chances you have to show off, you don’t have to take the bait. Stick with what you like, not what someone else considers “impressive.”

2. Worrying about personalizing every detail will only make you crazy. From the first dance to the invitations, the trappings of a wedding offer endless chances to show off your unique style. To prevent “see-how-unique-I-am” overload on the guest end (and mental exhaustion on yours), stick to a few important details.  Think of it this way: everyone in attendance already knows your personality; they’re not going to change their opinion of you based on the table linens.

3. If your dream isn’t big or fancy, it’s okay. Sometimes choosing the simple option is the hardest part.  I found my dress off the rack while shopping for clearance sweats at a department store. (Not exactly how I’d pictured it.) I loved the gown, but got questioned so many times about the decision. The entire situation opened our eyes to how much the bridal industry encourages women to go all out–to the point where buying something simple and cheap yet perfectly gorgeous seems like a potential mistake. The bottom line is to go with what you love, even if it doesn’t conform to the glamorous, expensive “wedding” image.

4. Let the experts do what you’re paying them to do. A lot of couples get caught up in making every detail of the wedding day “perfect.” Don’t; it’s a surefire way to be irritable and grumpy for the entire planning period. Instead of micro-managing each course or side dish, ask the caterer what combinations have been crowd-pleasers in the past–and then listen to them. However, do make sure that you work with reputable vendors who have lots of positive recommendations. That way, you can trust that the details will be handled properly and professionally–and without your constant help.

5. Spend money where it matters. Face it: you have a budget. Even if you’ve given yourself carte blanche, you’ve got better places to spend your money (think home, honeymoon, and retirement funds). Staying within your given budget doesn’t mean that everything has to look cheap. All you have to do is spend in the right places. Things that last, like photographs and rings, deserve a bigger chunk of your budget than things that are essentially throwaways (think embossed napkins). When you’ve splurged for quality on the big things, your guests are less likely to notice (or care about) the smaller details, such as the china or the favors.

6. Constantly maintain your perspective. One of the most important questions you can ask yourself while planning is, “Will I care in 10 years?” If the answer is anything but an affirmative yes, let it go. Do we need an upgraded aisle runner? If you don’t think you’ll even remember you had an aisle runner in the first place, then your answer is no. However, if you’re dead-set on having heirloom wedding photographs to pass on for generations, then your answer to the 10-year question will probably be a resounding yes. If you ask yourself this question before making wedding decisions, you won’t have any problems with staying focused on what matters and letting go of non-essentials.

While not all of these tips may apply to your situation, I would encourage anyone to keep the overall spirit alive in your thoughts as they plan. Your dream wedding is that just that–yours. If that means that it’s less fancy or expensive or original as others’, that’s not a problem. Chances are, you’re probably focused on the right things and it’s making your planning easier and more fun. The best part? It’ll show on your actual wedding day when you’re smiling and happy instead of inspecting the linens and harassing the caterer.

Photo by Lindy Photography

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