Addicted to Experiences
Can experiences be clutter in the same way that possessions are? Troll around simplicity and frugality blogs enough and you’ll run across the idea that experiences are better than stuff. By this logic, people would be better off spending their money on quality experiences that add to life instead of Stuff, which simply adds to the clutter.
And to a degree, it’s a good philosophy. But what happens when experiences begin to clutter our lives? Can your life be just as hijacked by experiences as by Stuff?
The Cult of Experience
At some point, experiences became venerated, without any checks to balance them out. As you look to simplify your life, make a mental check to see if your expectations for thrilling experiences have risen as your collection of Stuff has waned.
Consider this: your great-grandparents (hopefully) never got the chance to jump out of a moving airplane. Do you think their lives were unfulfilled as a result? Is there a kernel of vital knowledge they never got to have because they missed out of this “ultimate” experience? I’d argue that previous generations all did just fine without the benefit of skydiving. (And avid skydivers, please pardon me. I’m not trying to attack skydiving, just using it as an example. They also did without both Al Green and Def Leppard, which I would never do by choice.)
A Hierarchy of Experience?
I can’t argue with the idea that having unique, meaningful experiences is an important part of life. They can also be a key to our growth and development. Still, I can’t help wondering if unique, meaningful experiences can’t be simple ones as well. Does pondering the philosophical implications of spring blossoms count less than jumping out of a plane? Does reading a truly moving book count less than crossing the finish line of a triathalon? Does the sunset view from my backyard count for less than the sunset halfway across the world?
I’m not sure I have the answers, but I’m willing to ask the question.
What’s your take? Do people need exotic experiences to reach their full potential?
photo credit: icarowares
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This post has 24 comments
September 12th, 2008
Yes I agree, experiences matter. for eg., i don’t remember the dress I would have got after throwing tantrums to my parents but i still remember how i felt after getting my first prize. So experiences rock.
September 12th, 2008
You bring up a good point Sara. I’ve been skydiving, I’ve competed in triathlons, and I listen to Def Leppard – you’re knocking me down a couple of notches today! But that’s ok. Maybe you’re not really knocking me down. Maybe you’re just challenging me to think about what life’s meaning is for me.
And…I don’t think we “need” experiences like these to have a great life. There is definitely much to be learned in the simple pleasures of everyday life. I have a picture I took of a sunset from our backyard a few years ago – as we sat around our firepit – roasting marshmallows and eating s’mores. It’s one of my favorite pictures. Because it captured a moment in our backyard. One of simple pleasures.
Am I going to give up some of the “grand” experiences life has to offer? No. But, what I will do is take the time to realize what I already have is “enough”. Enough in the sense that it can make me think. And learn. And grow. Right here at home.
You look at some of the great philosophers of the world – from years ago. And, they became who they were by getting away from it all. And, by doing this – they had the opportunity to really, at a deep level, really understand themselves. That is powerful when you really think about it.
So, I leave here today with more questions than answers. But it is in questioning that I’ll get a better understanding of who I am and what I desire from life. Thanks Sara!
September 12th, 2008
I would spend my money on experiences over stuff any day. I don’t think I’ll ever skydive, but going on a great vacation is priceless to me. I don’t think one experience counts less or counts more than other experiences…but I do think going on great vacations counts more than a large house.
When I was young I told my father I wanted to move to a bigger house (yes, how obnoxious is that). He taught me a powerful lesson. He said “Okay Stacey, you have the choice. We can live in a bigger house and never go on vacation… or we can live in this house and go on 3-4 vacations a year.” I chose the vacations and never looked back.
September 12th, 2008
I have tried for several years to give experiences rather than stuff for gifts. Tickets to the symphony, ballet, amusement park, what have you. And I know that I appreciate those gifts instead of more stuff to add to my collection.
I also know for sure that, for me, I can get into overload and overwhelm if I have too much of anything in my life. I need a balance of quiet experiences as well as adrenaline laced ones. A blend of solo and group experiences. A cluttered sewing room and a pristine bedroom. When I start getting too much of one without the balance of the other, everything starts feeling less like an experience to take my breath away and more like an experience I must endure.
September 12th, 2008
One simply needs to fully experience their own life, no matter how mundane it may seem, in order to achieve full potential. Exotica is NOT essential!!!
September 12th, 2008
Interesting questions indeed. Like Stacey, I love vacations, however I look at them through different eyes now. 3 or 4 years ago I vacationed partly for the experience, but also as an escape. An escape from the job I had that was draining me. I needed to get away. Once I quit, I found a lot of experiences that were fulfilling right in my own back yard – literally and figuratively. Yes, I still vacation – I love the learning and perspective I get from my travels. I believe that sometimes our stuff and experiences can help us through roadblocks and sometimes they create roadblocks. Knowing the difference is very meaningful.
One of my favorite experiences from this summer – taking my 6 year old nephew to the beach 15 minutes from my house and teaching him how to boogie board – his smiles and laughter were contagious! It cost me nothing and to me, that’s an experience.
September 12th, 2008
“What’s your take? Do people need exotic experiences to reach their full potential?”
No, of course not.
Life can be cluttered with possessions, with experiences, with social engagements, with unhealthy relationships.
The only thing that can never be clutter is loving, supportive relationships.
September 12th, 2008
Hi,
What I think may be cluttering many people’s mind is the “Been there, done that” mentality. If someone is not learning from the experience, that experience may just be a clutter.
September 12th, 2008
Sara, your writings are lovely. IMHO people certainly do not necessarily need ‘exotic’ experiences; rather they need experiences that bring peace and joy to the soul- happiness that when recollected years down the road, brings a smile to the face. Anu
September 12th, 2008
I like being able to step outside my normal routine with new experiences once in a while. Watching the sunset from my backyard is great. Watching the sunset over the ocean is a whole different feeling.
Went on a hot air balloon ride recently. Floating along and brushing the trees when we landed is something I’ll remember for a long time. BTW, when we took off, people were having a birthday party for their young son. So they got a little extra excitement that day.
Some experiences can give you a sense of accomplishment if you’ve done something you may not have thought you could before.
Would life be satisfying and complete without these things? Yes. But they can add to your life. But, I’ll agree they aren’t a substitute for the simple everyday pleasures of life.
September 12th, 2008
No, we don’t need exotic experienecs in order to reach our full potential, but we do need varied experiences. That can mean anything from hiking in a local park to travelling to Africa to volunteering in a soup kitchen. What’s important is that we connect with the deeper parts of ourselves and with the world around us when we step outside our routine. That’s where the opportunity is.
September 12th, 2008
Life is all about how we feel on the inside. Since experiences(unlike stuff) are mostly about how people feel, it is rather hard to judge what the value of a certain experience might be for a person. Our definition of an exotic experience might not match that of another person.
If we want to have “valuable” experiences, I think we can use the following self check:
1. What is our “motivation” for the experience? Is the motivation something we can admit to ourselves and be proud of?
2. Does the experience leave us richer than we were before having the experience? This wealth can be at two levels – a. the feeling during the experience a. the effect of the experience on the rest of our being and life.
Using this check helps me a lot. Helps me choose the right experiences when I cannot afford to have a certain experience due to lack of time, money etc. Helps me help the kids make the right choices. Just like love(in your previous post) can be spread in a number of ways, the same feeling can be experienced by choosing different experiences.
September 12th, 2008
No, you don’t need experiences. You’re bringing up a interesting point. As you said, most personal development material puts a lot of value on experiences, but I’ve often wondered if they’re really are the end-all of fulfillment/intelligence.
Actually, I’ve grown out of that mindset. Experiences are great, but they only last for a moment. While we may reminisce over past events, the truth is that they are momentary.
That which is truly important is good in the moment and lasts forever.
September 13th, 2008
When I first read the title, my first thought was negative personal experiences that comes from bad judgment, poor decisions and bad luck – like divorced and having to deal with the financial consequences from it, losing a baby, worked for over a dozen companies, and a struggle with depression before the age of thirty.
But when I read on, I find you mean the complete opposite. For me, experiences are the light of my life. They are not *my life*, but they are a supplement; a condiment so to speak. Something to spice things up a bit. I don’t do anything extreme, but having sang in a classical music chorus, taking a painting class, volunteering, working to start a business, learning to knit, losing weight, increasing my health ten fold and running a 5K in record time has enriched my life in so many ways.
I say, bring on the experiences!
September 13th, 2008
I agree with Gena, it’s the variety of experiences that enable us to learn great lessons. A variety of experiences be they good, bad, complex, simple, stillness or sensory overload brings a wider perspective to our lives, thoughts and beliefs and open us up to new knowledge that we cannot gain by experiencing the same things over and over again.
I have learned so much from traveling that I couldn’t learn by staying at home. Other people do not need to travel so far to understand the things I have learned, others are more interested in learning different things. The trick is to find what is important to you and to enjoy a wide variety of experiences within those boundaries – it can be as simple as regularly stepping outside a climate controlled environment or as extreme as you like.
September 13th, 2008
You’ve brought up very poignant questions in your article.
Life offers the richness of experiences; but it is also about how much joy you derived from having them. It is true that you do not need to skydive in order to have a fulfilled life. Yet, people who skydive report of the wondrous feeling of being free.
There are, of course, plenty of other ways to live each moment fully. Simple pleasures also abound. It’ll be sad if we don’t even recognize them.
In short, I’d say that we need a mix of both, to experience life to its fullest. What do you think?
September 13th, 2008
There’s a rap album entitled, “Life is a Collection of Experiences,” and to a point I agree with that sentiment.
I don’t think life is about collecting exotic experiences. It’s about extending yourself. Don’t box yourself in by only experiencing a narrow array of things.
I know some people who never have gone to the theatre. Why not go once? Don’t like opera? Give it a chance. Don’t think you can fix something? Bust out the tools and try.
You’ll be amazed at what you can do and experience if you only try.
That’s my take on this topic.
September 13th, 2008
Looking back over my life as I am in my later 20’s, I see how my perspective on “experiences” has totally shifted.
When I was younger, and especially early twenties, I had a company of friends around me that were constantly doing things like back-packing in Europe, traveling to India to help at an orphange, flying to London to visit a friend, helping to build houses in Mozambique,… and my boyfriend at the time had actually gone (yes), skydiving.
So at the time, I was pretty much convinced that I was painfully ordinary and really missing out on “real” life. (At the time I was just working a normal job, trying to get through college,…and very slowly making some headway building my own small business.)The thing was at that point, knowing I was “going somewhere” paled pretty quick in light of hearing all about drinking Chai in Darjeeling, or seeing the Big Ben in person.
However, as I have grown more, I have a more keen sense of knowing what my God-given purpose is, and also what I’m wired for. Therefore, (thankfully!) still hearing about all those wild, colorful experiences doesn’t shake me anymore. My “experiences”, (vacations, travels, etc.) now help re-fuel my passions, and my specific areas of focus; they also help to broaden me as a person and “expand my horizons”.
THANK YOU to everyone who read my post!
September 14th, 2008
Thank you for all the truly thoughtful comments. This post was seriously a question, not an opinion or judgement. The different points of view here provided so much insight for me, and I hope some people took a moment to read through the comments.
I was struck by a couple of ideas. First, that the variety of experiences is what matters, not the scale (thanks, Gena!). Also, the challenge and new perspective that comes from trying new things is valuable, not necessarily the experience itself. I also enjoyed Caroline’s idea that the threshold is personal; some people flourish in simple environs, while others do best with constantly fresh surroundings.
As a group, you’ve definitely made me think longer and harder, and I loved reading the different takes. Clearly, it’s unique for everyone, and that’s a big piece of the answer I was searching for. Thanks again!
September 15th, 2008
Hi Sara,
I agree that experiences can clutter a person’s life if they’re doing them for the wrong reason. If it’s just to feed the ego, than it can become clutter. But, if it’s to step outside of our comfort zone and/or grow from the experience, that it’s beneficial.
September 15th, 2008
I’ve seen far too many people go overboard on experiences addiction. The next new thing, new place, new people matter more than what’s directly in front of them. I’ve seen them discard livelihoods, homes, friends and family in pursuit of the next great experience. So, no you don’t need experiences, especially exotic ones. And the addiction to experiences is totally destructive not only to yourself, but to the others who do still love you, in spite of your discarding them like yesterday’s used napkins.
September 15th, 2008
Barbara: Bingo! That’s pretty close to the conclusion that all these comments have been driving me towards. You just put it in much better terms than me.
jrandom42: I think I’d agree that good relationships come before great experiences.
October 5th, 2008
In the end, for a lot of people, the point of these experiences is to push yourself and do something you never in a million years thought you could do.
Jump out of an airplane at 13000 feet and survive??? Run a triathelon and finish it???
Sure there are other reasons people do things too. Adrenaline, fame, prestige, bragging rights.
But one thing that seperates some of these experiences you describe, is that they are things most people dont think they could ever work up the motivation/nerve/etc to do.
Anybody can watch a sunset or read a book. Not anybody could work up the nerve the jump from a plane, or find the perserverence and determination to complete a triathelon.
Life can definitely be cluttered by experiences…it depends WHY you are having these expereinces in the first place.
In the end, there are a lot of othere “simple” experiences that people can attempt, which are also things they never thought they could do. But when all is said and done, the memories of these more extreme experiences stick longer, and remind some of us that the only limits are the ones we acknowledge, and we can do anything if we believe…
October 5th, 2008
SIF: I really enjoyed your take here. It’s a good distinction, that separates the uncommon from the extraordinary. And I’d still say that while everyone can enjoy a sunset, few people do. Again, thanks for your ideas; your take on the subject was wonderfully inspirational.
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