Mistakes and Disappointments Are a Call to Arms for the Soul
photo credit: Georgieporge
In an email exchange following my post on Dealing with Disappointment, reader Mike Sowden of Fevered Mutterings offered the following bit of wisdom:
“Mistakes and disappointments are a call to arms for the soul.”
It’s easy to be loving, generous, funny, and creative when life is all roses and sunshine. The challenge comes when things don’t go our way. When life disappoints us (or we simply disappoint ourselves), we have to dig deep to be our best selves.
Mistakes and disappoints force us to call on our deeper reserves of character and motivation—our very souls. They force us to question our values and decide whether or not to move boldly forward or retreat into safety. Living through the hard times is what forges our will and makes manifest our desires.
Embrace Your Next Mistake and Uncover a Better You
The next time you make a mistake (I’m talking fall-flat-on-your-face here), consider it for what it is: a challenge to be a better, stronger, more viable, vibrant you. Embrace it and let that call to arms bring the best of you to the surface. Then fight like hell to keep that spirit at the surface of your life regardless of external circumstances.
And through it all, keep in mind, as Mike added, not only are mistakes and disappointments a call to arms for the soul, “they’re where fun comes from.”
July 8th, 2008 at 3:28 am
Interesting thoughts from Mike, and your suggestion to “embrace” our next mistake is a powerful one.
From early on in life, we’re programmed into thinking that mistakes are bad and to be avoided at all costs. Yet, even as children, we only truly learn from our errors- for example, not standing as close to the stove next time, not wandering too far away from our panicking parents again.
Making mistakes is one of the basic ways we gain a sense of the way the world works and our role in it.
As you mention, the challenge is to allow ourselves to make mistakes and to come out even stronger. It takes a brave and wise person to admit to their mistakes, but they know progress is only possible when we do.
July 8th, 2008 at 6:12 am
Good point. It is easy to be our normal “good” selves in good times. We’re (at least I’m) not always my best self during times of trial. In fact, it is easy in these times to have a defeat-ist attitude. I like the idea of embracing mistakes, and being our best during these times too. It’s powerful, really, to think about this. If we can be our best during the difficult times (keep our character intact, treat others still with respect, accept our failings, etc) then I believe this will also make us a better person during the good times as well. And I think other people have more respect for those who are able to “dig deep” during the hard times. This really is good food for thought…
July 8th, 2008 at 6:28 am
I think all of what you are talking about is what got me going on revamping myself. How I saw the world, what I was feeling because of undesirable circumstances wasn’t who I wanted to be. It’s one thing to be happy and friendly when things are going right and people are being nice to me. Challenging myself to find that same beauty in the world and people when things aren’t going right and people aren’t being nice to me has made me dig deeper into who I am, why I react the way I do and how I can fix it.
July 8th, 2008 at 8:01 am
Wow–wonderful comments. They’re as powerful as the original post!
@Scott: I still try to avoid mistakes at all costs–part of that programming you mentioned. But I’m trying to improve, and I hope that by posting about it, I can hold myself to a better standard.
@Lance: So glad this was thought-provoking for you! The defeatist attitude you mentioned is such a booby trap. It’s easy, but it gains you nothing and may make you lose everything. Definitely worth fighting against!
@Emily: I’m glad to hear that you’ve been using this in your life and, well, you seem to be doing well with it. I tend to freak out at mistakes and yeah, my patience towards other drops off the planet when I’m stressed. I think that’s why Mike’s idea was so powerful to me: because I’m not there yet.
July 8th, 2008 at 8:46 am
I’m not there yet either. It’s a work in progress and I suspect always will be
July 8th, 2008 at 10:58 am
Learning from past mistakes is helping me to live in the moment more than I have before. I can see where hesitating, waiting for everything to be “perfect”, inertia and just plain fear have prevented me from living fully, and I want to change that!
July 8th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
This reminds me of the saying “you can tell what kind of person someone is based on how they handle difficulties, not triumphs”.
Life is certainly a journey, one which includes many mistakes. If we can learn from them, chances are we’ll have an easier journey than most
July 8th, 2008 at 6:02 pm
@Ann: I know what you mean. Fear can rob us of as much as it saves us from.
@Frugal Trenches: Exactly! That’s a huge part of what I what the quote made me think of.
July 8th, 2008 at 6:17 pm
As a teacher, I’m at my best when my students make mistakes. A lot of learning and growing when mistakes are made, provided of course that there’s introspection and critical analysis of the conditions that prompted the mistakes.
July 8th, 2008 at 6:24 pm
@Chris: Ooh! Cool point! By being less defensive when we mistakes, we may end up with the chance to learn from people smarter and more experienced than ourselves.
July 8th, 2008 at 8:15 pm
I’m learning to look at “mistakes” as learning experiences. It really helps to step back and review the situation to see what wisdom you have gained. At least that way a person can begin to shed a more positive light on a mis-take.
July 8th, 2008 at 9:03 pm
@Davina: It’s hard to keep a positive attitude through a mistake, but you’re dead on that there’s wisdom to be gained from stepping back and reflecting.
July 9th, 2008 at 2:03 am
Hi Sara,
Being self employed, we often make mistakes. Even if one of the employees messes up, it’s a reflection on us, so in every sense of the word, it’s our mistake.
Small mistakes can be overlooked, however, when big ones happen, we analyze why it happened and what we can do to not have a repeat performance.
By learning from our mistakes, we continually uncover our weaknesses and persistence drives us to be better.
I guess everyday life isn’t much different.
July 9th, 2008 at 8:35 am
Hi Barbara,
Thanks for mentioning that small mistakes can be overlooked. While a few may be meaningful here and there, I think it’s generally a good idea to let small things go.
Like you, I’m focused more on the crushing defeats that make us want to curl up and never come out. Well, focused on trying to learn from and not repeat them, that is.
July 9th, 2008 at 4:54 pm
hopefully one can recover from their mistake or disappointment. i guess those which that don’t kill you can make you stronger. we should be learning everyday.
July 13th, 2008 at 4:08 am
[...] Mistakes And Disappointments Are A Call To Arms For The Soul [...]
July 14th, 2008 at 2:27 pm
Quoting Miles Davis here: “There are no mistakes.”
July 14th, 2008 at 7:25 pm
@Natural: Exactly.
@Sara: Freakin’ brilliant.
August 3rd, 2008 at 7:05 am
Thanks for the plug, Sara! And sorry I haven’t thanked you before. My mistake.
Yes, I’m a firm believer that mistakes are wise-making. And very charismatic, too: someone who admits they got the wrong end of the stick and says “I’m sorry, I got it wrong, now I’ll try to get it right” is much more engaging than someone who pretends to have the answer for everything. (This is why I party disagreed with this recent post over at Think Simple Now. We shouldn’t be afraid of clearly admitting our shortcomings - right before we tackle them).
We’re all klutzes in our own ways. That’s how we grow and have fun.
“I’ve learned so much from my mistakes that I’m thinking of making some more.” -Anon.
August 3rd, 2008 at 2:31 pm
Mike,
Thank you! I had some of the same concerns with Tina’s post. I think that it’s freeing to admit when you don’t know something. That doesn’t haven’t to equate to giving up or shutting down.
I like that you’ve injected “fun” into the conversation. Mistakes can definitely be fun–even when they’re painful.