Stop “Developing” and Start Living
Hundreds of blogs and publications are categorized as “personal development” resources. In short, they’re focused on helping you live a better life. You can learn to be a frugal wizard, a productivity ninja, a or simplicity diva. Personal development information can bring you confidence and sometimes even happiness. But it can also suck you into an Stepford-esque alternate universe if you’re not careful.
With advice on how to be more confident, more caring, and in general just a better you, what’s the problem? Isn’t life about growing, learning, and developing? You’re darn right it is. The problem arises when you stop picking and choosing the advice that works for you and start trying to follow it all. With an RSS reader full of juicy articles designed to make you smarter, stronger and sexier, it’s incredibly easy to feel like you’ve got a new (and impossible) standard to live up to.
Putting Learning Before Living
Why spend your spare hours kicking back in front of the TV when you could be learning how to give a killer speech? It’s easy to cut your long, lazy bath short when you could be discovering how to master eighteen different languages. And your leisurely walk around the block? Skip it; there are eight more ways to be happy that you just uncovered.
At what point does self improvement become a self detriment? If you’re doubting yourself because it’s difficult to live up to these standards, take a step back. If each minute of your free time is being used to improve yourself in some way, take a step back. If you feel guilty when you waste time, consider taking a step back. At some point, it’s time to start embracing who you are in this moment, just as you are. Stop developing for a day and start living.
The Cult of Productivity
Personal development is a tool, not a lifestyle. By the same token, increased productivity, boosted clarity, and an organized work life are things that help you live your life; they should not be the point or goal of life themselves. As Jonathan Mead writes in The Cult of Productivity and the Art of Purposeless Living:
Our obsession with our goals has moved us from inspiration, to enslavement. I know I’m not the only one that’s experienced this. It’s hard to remember the authentic reason for your goals and not let your ego’s identity get caught up in them. We’re so obsessed with the outcome that we don’t even appreciate the results when they arrive. We’re already caught up in “what’s next.”
If you’re starting to feel the pressure of an over-developed life, consider stepping off the development treadmill for a while (or at least slowing down the speed setting). Stop asking, “What’s next?” and start asking, “What’s now?” I’d love to touch more on this topic if there’s some interest out there, but first, a question:
What do you do to keep a balance between personal development and the kind of “purposeless living” Jonathan Mead writes about? Is there such a thing as too much personal development?
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This post has 21 comments
June 14th, 2008
Goals are meant to inspire us and move us forward to the what now and not the what next and not enslave us. It’s easy to get caught up in getting the most done out of your day rather than living on purposes, it can be more about crossing to-do’s off a list. I do take a step back, in fact, I sit down. How do I find a balance, that’s hard, but I try not to add too much on my plate. I break tasks up into smaller tasks and then I use a schedule to help me to see the important things I need to do as well as scheduling in some “step back” time so I don’t go crazy.
June 14th, 2008
This is so very true that many times we don’t even have time to enjoy living we are so busy trying to become better.
June 14th, 2008
Yes. Yes there is such thing as too much personal development. I write for one of these sites but even I know to hop off the tredmill and take a breather. Sometimes the best thing one can do is just chill out. Breathe. Live. This is such sound advice because as terrible as living an unconscious underdeveloped life can be, so can trying to do it all, the best, all the time. There needs to be a balance. Thats something I’m currently learning
Btw, Sara - I really love your writing.
June 14th, 2008
I have found that in becoming more content with who I am, I am spending less time trying to think of ways to improve myself and my life and am just enjoying the life I have and who I am. I find that in embracing that contentment, I find it easier to realize that through “not doing” I really am “doing” much more. Enjoying quiet time sitting outside or taking a long walk or bath ARE part of development and improvement. It’s when I accepted that they are valid forms of living a fulfilled life that I stopped trying to live a life anyone thinks I should be living but me.
Sure, I still have my moments of “I didn’t like who I was today” or “I don’t like how I reacted in that situation” and I strive to improve. I don’t follow anyone else’s guidelines for those things though. If it feels good, good. If not, fix it.
June 14th, 2008
“Is there such a thing as too much personal development?”
Of course there is. It’s true for productivity too. We can’t focus so much on processes, and on improving ourselves, that we forget to LIVE. Taking it easy, slowing down and forgiving ourselves for our imperfections are just as important as bettering ourselves.
June 14th, 2008
You make excellent points Sara.
While it can never be a bad thing to try to improve our lives, it is true that we can do so much navel-gazing that we forget to look up and see the many opportunities around us.
Self improvement is definitely a means, not an end. For me, it is an instrument to help us live life fully. But life can still be enjoyed NOW, even if we don’t feel we are the finished product. Far too many times, we let good things pass by because we don’t feel ready to go for them.
The best thing is to experience the precious moments of life in the present- the ups and the downs- with your self-improvement book in your back pocket, not with your nose buried in it.
June 14th, 2008
I have recently learned this at work, about promotions. All I do is go after the next one, it can get tiring.
June 14th, 2008
I have a few simple rules about personal development and purposeful living.
I do everything and anything that will improve my teaching so that I can educate my students more effectively. Ditto with my parenting.
With purposeful living, well I usually equate with personal development. I’f I’m continuing to develop and improving myself, then I’m living purposely because since I’ve become a teacher and a parent, my goal and role in life is to make an impact on my students and children’s lives.
I know, this sound so idealistic but at least I can sleep at night knowing that I’ve done something right and I know that if for some reason I don’t get up in the morning, I at least have left my mark.
June 14th, 2008
||Personal development is a tool, not a lifestyle.||
Actually, personal development isn’t just a tool, it’s a trend that we have to walk through, it’s not an option or a choice, it’s a must.
I think you mean here not to overload our minds with thinking about “what’s next” all the time, that’s totally right, but we can’t keep on living like that since whether we liked it or not, what’s next will approach us regardless our will or whether we are ready for it or not.
We can’t live without thinking and feeling the improvements in our lives, the key point I think is setting the right time to enjoy our life with what we learned, to provide some outputs, to give back something in return to what we get.
If appropriate to say, it’s about emptying ourselves and enjoying being light for sometime before loading ourselves back again with more development and improvement stuff.
June 14th, 2008
After spending the last three hours in yoga class, I couldn’t agree more. Very astute observation–we’re going so fast and doing so much that “life” often passes by.
Keep up the good work. I enjoy your blog.
June 14th, 2008
“Personal development is not a lifestyle” lol! I guess you have to be very comfortable with who you are, while being aware of the fact that if every day you make a small tweak to yourself, your diet, your organizational system, and so on, every day you’ll be getting even better.
June 14th, 2008
Learning is living. If we’re not learning, we’re dying.
I understand where you’re coming from though. The tools we use to learn/live are often confused as learning/living. Sitting quietly can be a form of learning just as studying a new language can be a form of learning.
The problem comes when we forget what learning is.
The real question is, what are we learning about? or what are we living about?
June 14th, 2008
“Is there such a thing as too much personal development?”
No there is no such thing, it is endless.
How about these objectives/goals:
- Dream twice a day.
- Write a poem once a week.
- Do tai chi every morning.
- Play w/kids for two hours a day.
- Have thoughtful conversation with your partner (wife, husband)
- Write blog twice a week.
Edison had invention quotas – imagine that!! What a goal
http://thebookshare.blogspot.com/2008/01/personal-invention-quotas.html
Can you do all these without productivity in mind?
Personal development and productivity is a tool (agree on that) toward making more time for thing I like, things I passionate. I do not care to be enslaved w/personal dev and productivity if this gives me an ability to do more things I Love. BTW, I hear many folks tell me so, that I am crazy w/this productivity thing. I do not care. I only know I work less than 40 hours a week (4 hours work week is an ultimate goal…). I hit my goals at work. I breath with full chest. I lost weight. My mind is peaceful.
Once the result is achieved why getting stuck on it? The whole pleasure is the process of achievement. Like life. In the end we all die, no time to appreciate this moment. Enjoy the process, get productive, enjoy even more.
June 15th, 2008
Thanks so much for adding your opinions! I’m loving the different viewpoints. I think Marshall kind of nailed what I was trying to say, in that growing and living are essential (as Alik points out), but the tools and processes can be confused with the actual living. I’m all for learning, but we can also enjoy our imperfections in the meantime. Best to everyone!
June 15th, 2008
Hi Sara,
I do agree, there are a lot of personal development/productivity blogs out there. In some instances it reminds me of us chasing an elusive dream. Always trying to better ourselves, but never being satisfied with how far we’ve come. Live is for living, loving, sharing, and playing.
I choose not to worry so much if I’m not “developing” like the next guy/gal, or not being productive enough. I want take time to live my life, and not manage every action, every second of my day.
June 15th, 2008
Oh how I struggle with this. I have such high aspirations that at times I feel overwhelmed. Recently I heard someone telling a coworker that touching 20 things is great, if you can get them all done, but if all you do is touch 20 things and they remain undone, then what have you really done?
We moved recently and I was disconnected for a bit and my routine was changed, so I’m still trying to get back in a good groove of time management with the shifts in travel time, etc. since this move..but I’m finding that without a desk to seclude myself to, I don’t cordon myself off, I’m playing more with my family and enjoying time with them. Sometimes I feel a bit neglectful of MouthyGirl…but I’m working on that.
Great post. Thanks for the reminder, I think we all need it sometimes.
June 15th, 2008
Productivity is over rated.
June 15th, 2008
Sara, thanks for linking me here. I feel honored. =)
What I’m learning to do is see personal development as kind of a continuum. PD for me, is working on your lens; the beliefs and thoughts you have about reality. When you’re working on your lens to better understand and view more through a lens of truth and awareness, that’s personal development.
At some point, however, you have to stop working on the lens and actually see through it. That’s living.
You can work on the lens as much as you want, but if you’re never actually using it, what’s the point?
June 15th, 2008
It’s rather difficult to keep info overload flooding our brain considering the amount of advice we get through rss constantly. I’ve learned to quickly go through interesting content and dwell on it only if it provides additional ideas that I’ve never stumbled before. Nonetheless, it is a challenge. I like the word - cult of productivity ..
Shilpan
June 17th, 2008
I agree. Any organized or systematized personal development carries a risk of creating a false world. When we compulsively focus on techniques and strategies, we miss the life that is at our feet, and that courses through our bodies.
So true!
June 24th, 2008
There is definitely a such thing as too much personal development. I am in the midst of getting my Bachelors but before I did that I took a year off and really thought about what I could see myself doing for 5-10 years. There is so much information on HR and techniques to be a great manager but I prefer to find my own way and utilize ’simple information’.
I look forward to when I do finish school b/c then I think I’ll take off some time to enjoy my accomplishment and the rewards that come with it.
As always great post!
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